Self

I don't know if you have ever observed this strange thing, the self. Often the more you look the more it doesn't seem to be like it, and the more you the more it isn't it.

After that I went about observing other people, but whenever I observed other people I found this detestable omniscient self of mine interfering, and to this day there is not one face it hasn't interfered with. This is a serious problem, for when I am scrutinizing someone else, I am at the same time scrutinizing myself. I search for the faces I like, or expressions I can tolerate, so I can't get rid of myself. I can't find people with whom I can identify, I search without success, everywhere: in railway waiting rooms, in train carriages, on boats, in food shops and parks, and even when out walking on the streets, I am always trying to capture a familiar face or a familiar build, or looking for some sign which can call up submerged memories. When I am observing others I always treat the other person as a mirror for looking inwardly at myself. The observations are inevitably affected by my state of mind at a particular time.

--From Chapter 26 of "Soul Mountain", written by Nobel Prize for Literature awardee Gao Xing Jian. Translated by Mabel Lee.