General Paper Essay Two
"Commerce is the enemy of culture." Discuss
The tiny, landlocked nation of Bhutan is probably what a frequent traveller would describe as "shangri-la", a paradise on Earth untouched by the evil claws of modernisation and commercialisation. In this country bordering nepal, India and Bangladesh, the country's population of two million has never seen advertising billboard covered with neon light, never knew who or what Macdonald's is and never watched a single Hollywood blockbuster. Their life is simple and frugal, yet none of them complained. According to a recent survey conducted across more than one hundred countries, it was reflected that the people of Buutan were "extremely happy" and "extremely satisfied" with their traditional lifestyles and see no need for modernisation and commercialisation to take place in the country. This shows the success of the Bhutan's government's "closed-door policy", which rejects the entrance of big-brands and transnational corporations (TNCs) to set up factories, retail outlets and branches in Bhutan, on the basis that commercialisation erodes local culture. Some may argue that the rationale for such a policy is but a hasty generalisation. Yet upon closer inspection, one may indeed find that commerce is threatening the existence of local culture.
In Bhutan, not only are TNCs barred from entering the local market, upsetting and endangering the survival of local businesses, Western television channels, television programmes and movies are not allowed to be broadcast in the tiny Asian country. The reason behind this move, according to the local authorities, is that Western influence is too empowering and overwhelming, which people with innocent minds and people who have led long periods of simple life may find the appeal of western, liberal culture hard to resist. The local government also restricts the number of tourists visiting the country for sight-seeing. This is yet another of Bhutan's government's attempt to minimise the chances of locals getting into contact with foreigners, which, according to the government's slippery slope theory, will lead to locals being exposed to western cultures and influences, and eventually causing the locals to lose their traditional roots and values, posing serious social problems. The Bhutan's government's efforts have paid off. Local culture and traditions are well-preserved and people are living in contentment, with no request for the government to open her doors. The country enjoys low crime rates as the people know nothing about the (overly) liberal and rebellious western culture as often illustrated in Hollywood productions.
On the other side of the spectrum, we can see how the state of Dubai in the United Arab Emirates (U.A.E.) has her culture and traditions on the verge of extinction as a result of rapid commercialisation and modernisation. When the drills in Dubai struck oil beneath its sand dunes more than thirty years ago, it brought wealth and prosperity to this state of U.A.E. In the middle of the desert sprung out skyscrapers, tarred roads and highways, shopping malls and luxurious condominiums -- all are features of modernisation -- since Dubai began to export the oil she has discovered to the rest of the world. Yet, Dubai's transformation from a poor fishing village to one of the richest places on the planet comes with a hefty price. The locals, who were all of Benouin descendance, no longer live the traditional lifestyles which their forefathers used to live. They now live in posh apartments and bungalows instead of living in a mobile tent; they now feast on fast-food, French cuisines, or Chinese delicacies instead of eating barbequed camel meat and their traditional bread; they now travel in Jaguars instead of riding on camels. Even their traditional sport of camel-racing is given a modern twist -- automatic whips are installed on the humps of camels, which means that machines now replace man when it comes to whipping the camels in a camel race. With the discovery of oil, Dubai engages herself in trade and commerce. But at the same time, her connections with the outside world through commerce has displaced her own local culture with a modernised, commercialised and a globalised one. Now two-thirds of Dubai's population are foreginers. This simply shows how drastic the impacts of commerce are in eroding local culture.
Yet, it is not virtually impossible for commerce and culture to co-exist. Japan is a good example. Without a doubt, Japan is the world's leader when it comes to technological development. They are known for coming up with more advanced, more sophisticated state-of-the-art televisions, mobile phones, cameras, washing machines, refrigerators and many more. Japanese vehicle-makers like Nissan, Toyota and Honda never disappoint the world with their new and highly-sophisticated car models during each of their launches. Japan is also the world's first country to launch the Third-Generation communication network (3G network), which integrates phone call-making, video-conferencing and web-browsing together, bringing convenience to users. Despite all these overwhelming technological developments and breakthroughs, the Japanese did not abandon their culture and embrace modernisation totally. It is a common sight to see a middle-aged woman wearing a kimono while making use of her 3G-handphone to purchase groceries. The Japanese continue to wear their tradtional costumes during important and formal functions like weddings and funerals. Traditional celebrations like the "Shichi-Go-San" (Children's Day) and Adulthood Day are not forgotten. In both events, children under the age of tweleve and young adults who just turned twnety-one respectively are to vist local temples and participate in a series of rituals. Even the former Prime Minister of Japan, Junichiro Koizumi, often visits the Yasukuni War Shrine to pay respect to the Japanese war victims, just like how locals still would pay respect to their ancestors at a shrine.
However, if one were to examine in details, one would be able to spot that commerce still affects local culture adversely in Japan. The traditional view that a man and a woman should wed upon the appropriate age is no longer taken seriously. Late marriages for both gender are very common in modern Japan, with more than half of the married couples tying the knot after thirty years old. As a consequence of late marriage and stressful careers brought about by commercialisation of Japan, the birth rate of Japan is declining at an alarming rate. Japan's low birth rate of 0.9 per couple (lowest in the world) is contradicting to the previously widely-held value that the more children a couple have, the more prosperous the family would be. The Japanese no longer believe in these values, which they deem to be outdated and not practical, for they now value their own businesses and careers, which are a by-product of commerce, above getting married and bearing children. This, therefore, led to an erosion of the japanese culture as a result of Japan's modernisation and commercialisation.
In a nutshell, commerce is a foe of culture. It is tough for both to co-exist harmoniously. The temptation of outside influences and culture brought about by commerce is too luring for one to resist. As the saying goes, "the grass is always greenr on the other side." It is, therefore, no wonder why people would tend to embrace outside culture brought in by commercialisation and forsake their own culture.
Content: 19/30
Language: 14/20
Total: 33/50
Comments: Terence, another fluent piece of writing from you. I love the fact that you have many specific examples in your essay. However, do ensure that your paragraphs do not become one which is ruled by examples. You need to discuss the arguments more. Relate your examples consistently to the points you are trying to make. I wish you had addressed the connotation of the term "enemy" in the question. A sensible stand to take is to argue that commerce and culture should have a complementary exsistence.
The tiny, landlocked nation of Bhutan is probably what a frequent traveller would describe as "shangri-la", a paradise on Earth untouched by the evil claws of modernisation and commercialisation. In this country bordering nepal, India and Bangladesh, the country's population of two million has never seen advertising billboard covered with neon light, never knew who or what Macdonald's is and never watched a single Hollywood blockbuster. Their life is simple and frugal, yet none of them complained. According to a recent survey conducted across more than one hundred countries, it was reflected that the people of Buutan were "extremely happy" and "extremely satisfied" with their traditional lifestyles and see no need for modernisation and commercialisation to take place in the country. This shows the success of the Bhutan's government's "closed-door policy", which rejects the entrance of big-brands and transnational corporations (TNCs) to set up factories, retail outlets and branches in Bhutan, on the basis that commercialisation erodes local culture. Some may argue that the rationale for such a policy is but a hasty generalisation. Yet upon closer inspection, one may indeed find that commerce is threatening the existence of local culture.
In Bhutan, not only are TNCs barred from entering the local market, upsetting and endangering the survival of local businesses, Western television channels, television programmes and movies are not allowed to be broadcast in the tiny Asian country. The reason behind this move, according to the local authorities, is that Western influence is too empowering and overwhelming, which people with innocent minds and people who have led long periods of simple life may find the appeal of western, liberal culture hard to resist. The local government also restricts the number of tourists visiting the country for sight-seeing. This is yet another of Bhutan's government's attempt to minimise the chances of locals getting into contact with foreigners, which, according to the government's slippery slope theory, will lead to locals being exposed to western cultures and influences, and eventually causing the locals to lose their traditional roots and values, posing serious social problems. The Bhutan's government's efforts have paid off. Local culture and traditions are well-preserved and people are living in contentment, with no request for the government to open her doors. The country enjoys low crime rates as the people know nothing about the (overly) liberal and rebellious western culture as often illustrated in Hollywood productions.
On the other side of the spectrum, we can see how the state of Dubai in the United Arab Emirates (U.A.E.) has her culture and traditions on the verge of extinction as a result of rapid commercialisation and modernisation. When the drills in Dubai struck oil beneath its sand dunes more than thirty years ago, it brought wealth and prosperity to this state of U.A.E. In the middle of the desert sprung out skyscrapers, tarred roads and highways, shopping malls and luxurious condominiums -- all are features of modernisation -- since Dubai began to export the oil she has discovered to the rest of the world. Yet, Dubai's transformation from a poor fishing village to one of the richest places on the planet comes with a hefty price. The locals, who were all of Benouin descendance, no longer live the traditional lifestyles which their forefathers used to live. They now live in posh apartments and bungalows instead of living in a mobile tent; they now feast on fast-food, French cuisines, or Chinese delicacies instead of eating barbequed camel meat and their traditional bread; they now travel in Jaguars instead of riding on camels. Even their traditional sport of camel-racing is given a modern twist -- automatic whips are installed on the humps of camels, which means that machines now replace man when it comes to whipping the camels in a camel race. With the discovery of oil, Dubai engages herself in trade and commerce. But at the same time, her connections with the outside world through commerce has displaced her own local culture with a modernised, commercialised and a globalised one. Now two-thirds of Dubai's population are foreginers. This simply shows how drastic the impacts of commerce are in eroding local culture.
Yet, it is not virtually impossible for commerce and culture to co-exist. Japan is a good example. Without a doubt, Japan is the world's leader when it comes to technological development. They are known for coming up with more advanced, more sophisticated state-of-the-art televisions, mobile phones, cameras, washing machines, refrigerators and many more. Japanese vehicle-makers like Nissan, Toyota and Honda never disappoint the world with their new and highly-sophisticated car models during each of their launches. Japan is also the world's first country to launch the Third-Generation communication network (3G network), which integrates phone call-making, video-conferencing and web-browsing together, bringing convenience to users. Despite all these overwhelming technological developments and breakthroughs, the Japanese did not abandon their culture and embrace modernisation totally. It is a common sight to see a middle-aged woman wearing a kimono while making use of her 3G-handphone to purchase groceries. The Japanese continue to wear their tradtional costumes during important and formal functions like weddings and funerals. Traditional celebrations like the "Shichi-Go-San" (Children's Day) and Adulthood Day are not forgotten. In both events, children under the age of tweleve and young adults who just turned twnety-one respectively are to vist local temples and participate in a series of rituals. Even the former Prime Minister of Japan, Junichiro Koizumi, often visits the Yasukuni War Shrine to pay respect to the Japanese war victims, just like how locals still would pay respect to their ancestors at a shrine.
However, if one were to examine in details, one would be able to spot that commerce still affects local culture adversely in Japan. The traditional view that a man and a woman should wed upon the appropriate age is no longer taken seriously. Late marriages for both gender are very common in modern Japan, with more than half of the married couples tying the knot after thirty years old. As a consequence of late marriage and stressful careers brought about by commercialisation of Japan, the birth rate of Japan is declining at an alarming rate. Japan's low birth rate of 0.9 per couple (lowest in the world) is contradicting to the previously widely-held value that the more children a couple have, the more prosperous the family would be. The Japanese no longer believe in these values, which they deem to be outdated and not practical, for they now value their own businesses and careers, which are a by-product of commerce, above getting married and bearing children. This, therefore, led to an erosion of the japanese culture as a result of Japan's modernisation and commercialisation.
In a nutshell, commerce is a foe of culture. It is tough for both to co-exist harmoniously. The temptation of outside influences and culture brought about by commerce is too luring for one to resist. As the saying goes, "the grass is always greenr on the other side." It is, therefore, no wonder why people would tend to embrace outside culture brought in by commercialisation and forsake their own culture.
Content: 19/30
Language: 14/20
Total: 33/50
Comments: Terence, another fluent piece of writing from you. I love the fact that you have many specific examples in your essay. However, do ensure that your paragraphs do not become one which is ruled by examples. You need to discuss the arguments more. Relate your examples consistently to the points you are trying to make. I wish you had addressed the connotation of the term "enemy" in the question. A sensible stand to take is to argue that commerce and culture should have a complementary exsistence.
小权纯裕郎 自作自秀@at
9:10 pm
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