The Art of Communicating on MSN

Surprise, surprise!

Never would you expect communicating on MSN to be a type of art?

Well, then you are probably one of those wretched and spoilt brats who are totally disdainful and disrespectful of your family, peers, colleagues and friends.

Admit it. How much do you know about netiquette?

Well, my purpose of this entry is not to transform each and every one of you out there into one who is well-mannered and considerate. If that should happen, then it creates a new definition for the word "miracle".

And oh, mircale doesn't exist, by the way.

The following "guidelines" on "How to communicate properly on MSN" is, and will remain as theory, unless you are a cook-book follower who would religiously parrot the following steps in real life.

Of course, having said that, by no means would I suggest impractical ways to communciate properly on MSN. What I mean is, unless you guys put what I've listed down into daily practice, the guide would forever maintain its status quo of being just a theory.

So here we go:

"How to communicate properly on MSN"

Lesson 1: Address the person whom you are speaking to.

It doesn't hurt for you to begin the conversation first by caling the person's name. Or least, say a "hi" or "hey" or something to acknowledge the person. Don't hastily rush into the conversation without acknowledging the person you are conversing with. That's rude.

I mean, in real life, do you just simply rush up to, say, John or Alice, and begin what you want to say? Of course you would say something like, "Hey John, can you pass me the document?", instead of rushing up to John and rudely say, "Pass me the document."

Lesson 2: Avoid using short-forms at all cost.

Okay, maybe not necessarily "at all cost". But the thing is, different people use differen sets of short-forms. There isn't a universally-recognised and universally-accepted set of short-forms. "Btw" can mean "by the way" or "between".

Of course, you can rebutt by saying that then it all depends on the context used, like the word "minute" can mean "one of the 60 parts into which the hour is divided", "an official written record of what is said and decided at a meeting", or something that is "extremely small". (Source: Longman Dictionary of Contemporary English)However, believe it or not, some people have this difficulty in differentiating the meanings of words or short-forms, with double meanings, used, by looking at at which context is the word used.

So, to avoid unnecessary confusion, don't use short forms, unless they are already included in the English vocabulary, like "don't", "shan't", "won't"...etc.

Lesson 3: Be clear in what you are saying

I think that this point should be applied to, besides conversations on MSN, our daily conversations as well. One example of an unclear statement:

"What's {insert a word or an expression}"

You cracked your brain and flip through dictionaries and encyclopedias to find out the answer only to receive such a reply:

"Eh.. I mean the Chinese translation..."

=.=

You could have state earlier that you wanted a translation, and not the exact definition in English. We are not one of your brain cells, so don't expect us to be able to read your mind.

So, you should say, "Can you please tell me the answer to that riddle you posted on your nickname?"

Another example would be when someone initiates the covnersation with a single word, "What?"

And you'll reply, "What 'what'?"

And then you'll realise he's/she's asking for the answer to that riddle you posted as your MSN nickname.

Or, someone starts off the conversation by asking you, "Huh? What do you mean?"

And you'll reply, "What 'what do you mean?'?"

And then you'll realise you've posted a very profound philosopohical statement on your nickname and that dumbass has no clue as to what does it mean, or how to ask a proper question which properly conveys the message that he wants to convey.

So, you should go something like, "May I ask you what is the meaning of your nickname?"

Lesson 4: Use a better font colour

No, you are not cute when you use sky blue or bright pink as your font colour. It's THE apocalypse of electronic communication. Quit this bad habit. Convert back to black, dark blue or any other dark colours. Red is acceptable as well.

Lesson 5: No CAPS or AlTeRnAte CaPs

Unless it was intetional to show your anger, apologise after you had (accidentally) typed your entrie sentence in caps. People may not take it to heart about this error, but it's always good for you to say sorry. Manners, my dear. Manners!

As for the latter, unless you are purely retarded, DO NOT EVER ATTEMPT IT. [And in case you didn't realise, yes, the caps are done on purpose because doing alternate caps is like so wrong.]People who type in alternate caps should be damned. Period.
Why? Because it is so annoying and it does not portrays anything good about you. Rather, people will think that you are just dumb to go through all the trouble typing in alternate caps.

*****************************************************

That's all I have for now. If you have suggestions, or any other point that you think should be included in this manual, feel free to leave a comment.