Koizumi's Budokan: 小权纯裕郎的武道馆

End

2009-12-09T12:01:00.004+08:00

I have said what I had always felt. There's nothing wrong voicing out opinions and stating out incidents that have actually happened. If that annoys you, well, these are the things that you have done. Alternatively, don't read my blog. I didn't even inform you guys about this post, so this shows that you guys have been stalking me. If you wanna read, you should just accept the contents of my blog.

I never once denied that I am childish. I admit that I am. But do you?

I am glad that there are people who are by my side. Because these are the people who made me realise that I should live my life for them, and not too be overly-concerned by those who don't like me.

No point commenting back to those who cannot identify the "twisted facts", or use the correct word, i.e. "we are all SENTIENT creatureS"

In any case, after 5 years of writing, I shall close down this blog. Nothing to do with these inconsiderate and selfish platoon mates -- they aren't that important to influence my decisions -- but I just couldn't find the long-lost enthusiasm in blogging anymore. I'd rather post short messages on my Facebook status. I may start a new blog some time later if I feel like it, but it's hard to say when, or will I even do it.

We'll see how.

P.S. Even if I want to spend 3 hours writing an account of my experiences, that's pretty much my business, isn't it? In any case, you also spent quite some time reading it, didn't you?

Teachers' Day

2009-08-30T21:37:00.001+08:00

It's quite heartwarming to receive Teachers' Day gifts from your students.

抱

2009-08-27T21:26:00.001+08:00

刚刚下起倾盆大雨，风刮得很强，我冷得在发抖。

霎那间我多么希望有个人能够给我一个拥抱，给我温暖。

外婆

2009-08-22T08:06:00.002+08:00

外婆过失已经3年多了，而这却是我第一次对她的逝世写文章。

外婆去世时，我没有哭。一滴眼泪也没有掉下过。这件事我跟很多朋友说过了，而大家不约而同地反问道：“你跟你的外婆关系不密切吧？”

不哭，并不代表不难过。我跟她的关系，没有像大表哥一样那么密切（我甚至觉得大表哥和外婆之间的关系是一种过分地依赖），但也不至于犹如陌生人一般冰冷。她去世后，当时生活感觉上确实像往常一样，没有惊天动地的大变化，但是你却又晓得你的生活里好像少了些什么，有一种说不出的变化，似有似无的。

逐渐地，母亲不再“回娘家”，一家人也没有像往常一样在周末时聚在外婆家。

这改变对于我的日常生活也没有太大的影响，虽然时不时会起一种像搔不到痒处的莫名空虚感。

直到现在，当我回想起外婆的逝世，我依旧没有想哭的冲动。这并不是一种习惯，我倒觉得这是上天的安排。冥冥之中我注定不为外婆哭泣。

其实也真够玄的，外婆临终前，我是家中唯一一个没有见她最后一面的成员，尽管我和大家在同个时间抵达医院。只因为我肚子疼，去一趟厕所，而错过了和外婆见最后一次面的机会。

偏偏在我拉肚子时，上天决定带走外婆。

偏偏其他人没有拉肚子，只有我。

或许见不到外婆最后一面是残酷的，但也许是幸运的，因为永远烙在我心里的是外婆活着时的外貌，至少我不必直接面对一个亲人逝世的痛苦和悲伤。这种想法也许自私，但冥冥之中我注定得自私。

暹罗之恋

2009-08-16T22:12:00.003+08:00

看过了《暹罗之恋》（Love Of Siam），突然间害怕我在过去的这几段感情中，原来不曾真正爱过。

爱上了，就害怕失去；没爱上，却又害怕寂寞。

最怕我惊觉自己原来不曾晓得什么叫做爱，然后在现在不知道自己想要的是什么。

朋友（下）

2009-08-13T22:01:00.002+08:00

何谓“友情”？

友情就是当别人道出对你朋友不利的事实时，你盲目地、毫不犹豫地、失去理智地挺身而出，为你这位朋友辩护。

尽管说出的话句句属实，你依旧认为他没有做错，还不准我们这样说他，还闹脾气、给脸色。

对他们而言，“朋友”的定义极为简单肤浅。只要我们俩臭味相投，你就是我的朋友了。你和我一样热衷于足球和德州扑克，你就是我的朋友了，虽然你爱撒谎（还洋洋得意地跟他人炫耀如何成功地撒谎）、自以为是、怠惰。。。

入了伍当了兵，才了解什么叫做一种米养百种人。很诧异。

若问我一年多下来从服兵役中学到了些什么，那就是发现在这世上这么白痴的人也有。

朋友（上）

2009-08-13T21:24:00.003+08:00

最令人失望的事，就是你把人家当朋友，而对方却从来没有真正地把你当成朋友。

更令人失望的是，你完完全全没有得罪对方，但对方却听信他人的指责诽谤，而开始对你冷淡。

很可悲，连你对一个人的印象也要由外人操纵。

很可悲，你在这群人的心目中只是一个笑话，一个供大家娱乐的物体罢了。你没有尊严，没有反抗的权利，只能够默默地任由他们在讥讽你、取笑你，然后不需要娱乐时就把你给忘了。你的抗议对他们而言，是一种小气、一种无理取闹、一种不可理喻。

他们是我在营中所认识的“朋友”。这就是我在营中的生活。

Celebration

2009-08-06T20:40:00.003+08:00

In 2006, we have "Umbrella" by Rihanna.

In 2007, it was "Whine Up" by Kat Deluna.

In 2008, we have "Just Dance" by Lady GaGa and "Disturbia" by Rihanna.

In 2009, the song is "Celebration" by Madonna!

Follow Your Teacher's Footsteps

2009-08-04T22:20:00.004+08:00

My former Chemistry teacher, Miss Mok Lai Koin, once said that a student will be good at certain topics in Chemistry when the teacher himself/herself is also good at these topics.

Miss Mok admitted that her forte is Organic Chemistry. I know that my strength lies in Organic Chemistry. Now, as I am marking my student's answer scripts, I discovered that his conceptual knowledge for Organic Chemistry is far better than that for Physical Chemistry. He's scoring 16 - 17 out of 20 for Paper 3 questions that focussed on Orgaic Chemistry, while obtaining 7 - 8 out of 20 for questions on Physical Chemistry.

Hatred

2009-08-04T22:18:00.001+08:00

The problem with my current platoon is that everybody is too busy hating each other.

Sounds like my council days.

I have come to realise that it is far too tiring to hate, but then again it's also against our conscience to love.

鱼片米粉（终）

2009-08-04T08:46:00.002+08:00

我最爱吃的那摊鱼片米粉在我不知情的情况下结束了营业。

也不知道是几时发生的事。很突然，好像死了亲人一样，有种莫名的空虚感。

信约的真正意思？

2009-07-31T16:59:00.003+08:00

我们是新加坡公民，
誓愿团结一致分种族、言语、宗教，
建设不公正平等的民主社会，
并未实现国家之性福、繁荣余烬
不共同努力。

P.S. Did you ever say what you mean and mean what you say?

Why Must I Care?

2009-07-30T19:03:00.002+08:00

在乎得太多，会累。一种精神上的疲劳轰炸，炸得粉身碎骨。

有些时候，bo chap 的态度斯对自己的一种宽恕。这种态度固然自私，但总好过对不起自己。

尤其像我们这群身陷这个身不由己的环境的男孩们，更要学会放开，学会打打太极，方可海阔天空。

皇上都不急，太监干吗要着急？即使你着急、你在乎、你关心，别人未必会感激你。

不是我在提倡一种追求奖励和肯定的处事态度。相反地，我在提醒各位看官要记得善待自己，莫让自己热脸贴冷屁股，碰一鼻子灰。

Improvement

2009-07-26T22:19:00.002+08:00

It feels good to know that after a few months of teaching, your student has finally passed his GP essay for the first time!

=)

Appreciation

2009-07-19T21:06:00.000+08:00

It feels to know that one of your students thinks that you are a good teacher. =)

Don't Forget The Lyrics Quiz

2009-06-30T22:20:00.002+08:00

Quite excited to know that my Don't Forget The Lyrics quiz on Facebook has attracted more than 9,000 persons to take since I first created it 15 days ago.

Click here to play!

Windows Vista Basic

2009-06-28T08:17:00.002+08:00

Windows Vista Basic is so bad that simply playing Restaurant City on Facebook and listening to music on my iTunes at the same time hangs my computer.

Back to NDP

2009-06-26T20:25:00.002+08:00

The day before, I was no longer involved in NDP'09.

Today, because two of my platoon mates decided that the rest of us should be involved in NDP'09 and decided that we should take over their role initially assigned to them, I am now back in NDP'09.

Because of that, I will lose $110 per week until National Day.

Because they are being selfish and irresponsible. Because they think it is only fair for them to push their responsibilities to others.

Anonymity

2009-06-23T12:27:00.003+08:00

You know how frustrating it can be to see unidentified persons leaving messages on your tagboard, and you have no way to to find out who they are or to track their whereabouts.

All you can do is to put a gypsy curse on them. Like Drag Me To Hell.

Foreword to Combined Rehearsal 1 @ Floating Platform

2009-06-23T12:11:00.005+08:00

I was > < this close to losing this incredible job of getting away from the squadron.

Because I didn't have a proper pass to enter the premises.

So, I approached Captain C for help since he's the one in charge of making and issuing passes for all helpers in NDP'09.

"Tomorrow morning come and find me. Bring along a passport-sized photo. Oh by the way, I have a meeting at 9am., so come earlier than that," replied Captain C. I agreed, albeit unwillingly as the folowing day was my off-day. But nevertheless, I agreed, knowing that if I don't, these big-shots will create more trouble for me.

So when I reached squadron the next day with my passport-sized photo at 8am sharp, captain C was nowhere to be found. So I waited, and waited and waited. His allocated parking lot was still empty. "I thought he got NDP today?" 3SG Lek replied when I enquired about Captain C's whereabouts.

"But he told he has a meeting today at 9.." I recalled.

In the end, I left after fruitlessly waiting like a fool for one hour.

That's how officers treat their men.

Combined Rehearsal 1 @ Floating Platform

2009-06-20T23:04:00.001+08:00

I dreaded my involvement in NDP'09 initially. Then, it was all about burning your precious weekends on military-related activity. I could have given tuition, I could have went out on a movie date, I could have went to sing K with my friends.

Now, it seems that my role in NDP'09 is probably the best job ever. No physical labour involved (Okay, perhaps a little, considering the fact that I had to run up and down the steps on the grandstand to record the rehearsal using two different video-cams set up at two different locations. ), no need to endure sarcastic comments from a sergeant major, nothing that involves much planning and coordination (though sometimes I have to take note of the timings for several concurrent events), no higher-ranking personnel beside me to nag/supervise/keep an eye on me. Plus, I get an exclusive sneak preview of the show.

And this role provides me a temporary getaway from the strained platoon and a much-welcomed relief from the unwelcomed platoon commander and his antics.

I am loving it.

Chemistry Test

2009-06-19T23:33:00.002+08:00

I actually derived some sort of pleasure from setting questions for a Chemistry test.

So much in researching on the topics. So much effort in ensuring that there is no grammatical errors. So much effort in ensuring that the answers to the questions are chemically correct. So much effort in making sure that the questions are not ambiguous. So much effort in ensuring that the pages are not crumpled. So much effort in aligning the questions neatly and ensuring that the relevant parts and printed on the same page.

白事

2009-06-18T21:13:00.000+08:00

那晚肚子饿，出门买宵夜，经过了一场在组屋楼下举行的一场丧事。

这场丧事是为谁而办，我就不晓得了。只知道丧事办得热热闹闹的，很多人出席。亲朋戚友，围着的木制圆桌，坐在红色的塑胶椅子上（桌椅都是跟租借公司弄来的），啃着花生瓜子，谈天说地闲聊八卦是非，一片其乐融融的景象。

儿童的活动花样就多些。互相赛跑、捉迷藏、躲避球，勾起了不少我童年时的回忆。

孩童的世界和成人的世界在这场丧事非常相似，都是愉悦的，有说有笑，颠覆了印象中的典型丧事，应该有的哀伤忧愁和痛哭流涕在这场丧事中完全不存在。

话又说回来，在我见过的丧事中，有不少的气氛宛如喜事一样。

曾经听过一位长者这么说过：“一家人只有在红事白事时，才会真正地团圆。”

很讽刺，但也一针见血地道出了现代家庭的可悲心态 -- 一种事不关己，高高挂起的冷漠心态。

表亲若没有必要，大家通常是不会主动和彼此约会见面。一年当中大概只有大年初一、初二才会碰面，送送桔子，派派红包。再者，就是当有人要结婚，摆桌请客时，大家才会出现。

要不然，就像我眼前的这一幕一样，当长辈与世长辞时，亲戚才会聚在一块，送长辈走完最后的一程。

躺在棺材里的那一位若见了这一幕，不晓得会为这场完美的团圆而感到欣慰感动，或是会为他们团圆的时机而感到心寒失望。

亲情和私心仿佛分别成了家庭版的钟无艳和夏宁春，像话吗？

出殡后，死掉的走黄泉路，活着的也又各走各的。司空见惯了。

要见面？等过年吧。或者等谁出嫁娶妻，等谁双眼紧闭双腿伸直。

Officers VS. Men

2009-06-12T13:00:00.000+08:00

I'm not sure if servicemen from other units feel the same way, but at least in my unit, it seems that the officers always think that the men are always trying to find ways to slack, while the men always think that the officers will only throw the physical work to them while they themselves sit inside their air-conditioned office and slack.

Had a chat with Jia Wei, who is a commisioned officer, that night regarding this issue. Does he really think that men are always trying to slack? Yes and no, he claims. Yes, because he has seen many cases of men who tried to "chao keng" (malinger). No, because he understands and their mentality and doesn't blame them for that.

"They'll do only the bare minimum. After all, they are only NSFs being paid a measly amount of allowance a month. They don't see a need for them to work extra hard."

Is such mentality justifiable? National Service is supposed to instill a sense of loyalty and belonging to the coutry, but ironically and truthfully speaking, most of us don't feel that way. Many of us try so hard to acquire a downgrade in their PES status so that they need not serve their National Service in a physically-demanding vocation, or to evade coming back in future for in-camp training. Many of us bear so many grudges against the relevant authorities for making us "waste two years of our time". Many of us just want to "serve and fuck off", equating National Service to a debt that we incurred to Singapore the moment we are born in this country.

The fact is, no one is willing to serve National Service.

We certainly did not choose to go through National Service, and neither is there any form of attractive monetary incentives to motivate us. We are merely men. We take instructions. We have no say in a lot of things. We have no honour. We are treated like dogs because our supreriors only know how to push work to us. So why should we be obliged to put in our best?

That's our mentality.

Now, if we examine how the officers feel. They go through 9 months of course at Officer Cadet School (OCS). 3 weeks of confinement at the start, followed by unknown amounts of surprise SOL, confinements and burnt weekends from various training activities, weekly outfields, monstrous physical trainings, jungle survival, navigation courses in terrains where comfort seems like an urban myth, erratic bookout timings.

9 months of that. It's probably like the male equivalent to pregnancy.

So when they get comissioned, it's time to compensate them. They get to stay out if they want to, they have their own messing lounge, they are well-paid (comparatively speaking to NSF men), they get their own office cubicle, they get respect (even 50 year-old Warrant Offciers have to address them as "Sir").

So they also get to order people around, delegate jobs, issue out instructions which people must follow lest they get charged with insubordination.

And no longer are they needed to perform physical labour in their new unit after commissioning. They got men to do it, so their new task is to supervise.

And that's where my bone of contention arises. Should the officers lead by example and help his men, or should he be compensated for all the "sufferings" he had been through?

I brought up this issue to my platoon commander before. He argued that (and so do my platoon sergeants) different-ranked soldiers have got different job scopes. The officers have got a lot of admin and logistics issues to worry about. There are a lot of behind-the-scenes action going on, especially during an exercise. So while he's preparing all this stuff, we are responsible to do the physical work. Or rather, while we are doing our work, he has no time to come and help us.

The next day when we are preparing to move out for our exercise, we saw him having his breakfast and smoking with the other regulars at the Officers' Mess.

That's besides the point. Now, if we agree on the point that officers deserve their post-commissioning "entitlement" to compensate for their hardwork, must we therefore accept the fact that men should continue to do all these physical work (sometimes more affectionately known as "sai gang", literally shit job) and even accept the fact that their officers are not obliged to help them because the men themselves did not go through any form of trainings tougher than what the officers had went through, and so this is a form of compensation?

Perhaps that's why the officers are thinking when they arrow "sai gang" to his men. They did not go through tougher training than me, so it's only fair for them to do these work, the offciers may think.

And when men resents doing these "sai gang", the officers view it as another attempt to slack off. Maybe the officer himself is truly a "garang soldier", perhaps he's just feeling unfair that how some NSFs can get away so easily without doing much in National Service.

Whatever that is, there's a rift between the officers and the men, which I think is worth exploring for both the Singapore Armed Forces (SAF) and the academic. SAF can look into how to build a stronger working relationship and foster a stronger bond between the officers and his men, which is vital if we want our forces to have a high morale.

The academics can look at how people behave and respond when they are given different positions of power, probably through the perspectives of psychology and sociology.

For me, it's only six more months before I can stop doing all these "sai gang".

Tuition

2009-06-11T22:33:00.002+08:00

I love my job. I make lots of money. But the big bucks come at the expense of my personal time. I want to earn more money so that I can have a higher spending power, but the fact is, I actually have less time to spend those money that I've earned.

I've got CDs to buy. I've go clothes to buy. I want to club. I have yet to watch X-Men: Wolverine, Terminator 4 and Angels and Demon. I want to go sing karaoke.

Ironically, I've got no time.

Every outing that I plan or intend to attend involves the tedious process of reallocating my lessons to another time slot. Immense coordination with up to 3 parties are required. The mere thought of it is enough to dissuade me from having too many personal activities.

As of now, all my Sundays are devoted to work. And I foresee that such schedule will carry on into my uni days, or even until after my uni days.

It's all for the cash.

Am I happy, you may ask. I've got no time for shopping and movies and clubbing, but the trade-off is that I derive satisfaction from clearing the doubts that my students have on the subject. Had I have more time for myself, the opportunity cost would be that I cannot help others and yet obtain tht sense of achievement at the same time.

Tuition-giving is more than just making money. It's a derivative of community service. You are educating the younger generation, you are spreading your knowledge, you nuture people academically. Except that you are paid.

Samsung i900 Omnia

2009-05-31T08:20:00.001+08:00

My new phone!

人生何其短，何必苦苦恋

2009-05-24T08:20:00.002+08:00

你我皆凡人，生在人世间；
终日奔波苦，一刻不得闲；
既然不是仙，难免有杂念；
道义放两旁，利字摆中间。

多少男子汉，一怒为红颜；
多少同林鸟，已成分飞燕；
人生何其短，何必苦苦恋，
爱人不见了，向谁去喊冤。

I will always remember 人生何其短，何必苦苦恋 because this is the only line I forgot during auditions! Argh! I actually remembered that the line that is 爱人不见了，向谁去喊冤。

Sianz. There goes my $500K

On Gucci and Louis Vuitton

2009-05-22T18:31:00.002+08:00

Is it just me or are Gucci wallets, belts and bags (the latest green and red collection which reminds me of Christmas), as well as Louis Vuitton wallets becoming more common? A walk along Orchard Road, or even on a MRT train ride to town, you never fail to see someone carrying or wearing one of the above-mentioned accessories.

Are Singaporeans getting richer, or are the big brands becoming less exclusive?

Or are the wallets and bags they carry imitations of the real deal?

Mugging Progress for Don't Forget The Lyrics 《我要唱下去》

2009-05-14T18:24:00.002+08:00

青花瓷 -- 100%
发如雪 -- 100%
菊花台 -- 90%
童话 -- 100%
新不了情 -- 100%
凌晨三点钟 -- 90%
无与伦比的美丽 -- 100%
唯一 -- 95%
招牌动作-- 100%
我相信-- 90%
宝贝 -- 90%
我不想忘记你 -- 85%

Mugging Progress for Don't Forget The Lyrics 《我要唱下去》

2009-05-10T22:06:00.003+08:00

青花瓷 -- 100%
发如雪 -- 100%
菊花台 -- 90%
童话 -- 95%
新不了情 -- 95%
凌晨三点钟 -- 75%

Travel Alone

2009-05-10T08:55:00.001+08:00

I'm not sure how many of you share this same preference as me, but I really enjoy the idea of travelling around in solitary.

It's not that I am anti-social. It's just that the time you spend on commuting is like the best opportunity you can have time for yourself. Read a book, play PSP, plug in your iPod ear-pieces, take a short nap, or just simply staring into blank space. It's time that you can truly call your own. Just being alone in the midst of all the urban commotion around you.

I dread the idea of travelling home with friends, because it would mean the sacrifical of your own private time to entertain your friends. You can't possibly start sleeping or listening to your iPod while travelling home with your friend. It's just rude. You just have to talk to them.

Young in the Yellow City (Fiction, Episode 2)

2009-04-22T17:53:00.000+08:00

The Queen was wearing stilettos as usual. Today she wore her brown heels with a fabric upper in a floral print of red, brown and teal over a white background. To match those heels, the Queen chose to don a white floral lace dress, bearing the flesh on her wrinkled and spotted arms. Her lip was dark red, and she wore a pair of big, matching dark red ear studs. Her hair is short, wavy and neat. Her crow's feet are obvious, but she only puts on light make-up, showing no intention of concealing her age. Perhaps that's her true rationale, to make her seniority known to the students, to induce respect and fear in her students. The white Prada bag that she carried completes her graceful appearance, but Ignatius ought to know better. She's like Miranda Priestly, the Devil who wears Prada, although Ignatius was not quite sure if that white lace dress she is wearing now is Prada.

The Queen is Mrs. Rose Ang. She is Ignatius' GP tutor.

And Ignatius has forgotten about the essay that is supposed to be due today. Three questions, one on environmental protection, one on the influence of mass media, and another one on euthanasia. Suddenly euthansia seemed like the only option for Ignatius to take. Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned, but a woman scorned hath no fury like Mrs Ang knowing that you have forgotten to do your homework.

After the daily routine of flag-raising ceremony, Ignatius checked his timetable for the day. Great, the first period at 8 A.M. is Chem lab. Perhaps I could find some cyanide to use, Ignatius thought. He felt queasy, the kind of queasiness one would get when they know that doom is looming.

After spending two hours in the poorly-lit, underventilated and depressing-looking laboratory, Ignatius gets an one-hour break. He mentally add a new item to his to-do list.

Chem lab was dull, especially the person whom Ignatius is sitting next to is Eva Fan. Boring, average Jane from China. her hair is thick and wavy, which reminds Ignatius of Goldilocks, another PRC girl from SCGS. The only difference is that Eva ties the waves on her head in the most humbling way using the most boring hair band one can ever find, while Goldilocks is proud to display her waves in the most exagerrated manner one can imagine. Either she's oblivious to all that snickering behind her, which would indicate a dumb blonde personality, or she just happen to have a bad hair day, every day. Or maybe she's the spokeperson for fashion (not!) wigs.

Ignatius and Eva set up the experiment together. There was no much chemistry between them. They quickly allocated the tasks between themselves and set off to work. They obtained results, recorded their observations, and discussed briefly on how to describe the observation seen when they heat unknown, white, powdery compound Q "until no further change is observed." Miss Grace Chua, the Chem tutor went through the experiment with them. Bell rings. Lesson's over. Ignatius heads back to the class bench.

"Lend me your essay."

"You never do, huh? Haha!" Lim Yan Yun teased. "Yeah, I didn't. I totally forgot about it. Did you do yours? How long is your essay?"

Ignatius' heart sank when he saw that Yan Yun wrote on euthanasia. He knew absolutely nothing about euthanasia. Plus, euthanasia is such a sensitive issue to be tackled in GP, too many grey-areas, too argumentative. He's only good at regurgitating facts, so he needs a sample essay on environmental protection.

"Xin Wei, which essay question did you choose?"

"I wrote on the environemtal protection thinggy." Ignatius' heart lit up with hope again. "Lend me! Puh-leeeeez! I am desperate!"

"Okay.. but don't copy blindly," warned Xin Wei, who cautiously handed over her essay to Ignatius.

Ignatius grinned. He knew exactly what she meant, and knew exactly what to do. He will not plagiarise, and he knows how sensitive the Queen is to plagiarism. She can detect the slightest plagiarism in her students'essay, effectively knowing whether or not her students have been copying each other's work. What he needs to do now is to read through Xin Wei's essay, pick out her arguments, paraphrase them and substitute the examples and case studies with those he had memorised by heart. Wind energy in the Netherlands. Solar energy in Germany. Tidal energy in Southern France. Stupid Xin Wei, Ignatius thought, All she can give is the Kyoto Protocol.

Ignatius' Nokia vibrated. One new message is received.

"ECACO formals at 330. A306." It was from Lucy Liu, the secretary for ECACO, which is the committee that Ignatius is in.

Yet another meeting. Ignatius took a deep breath and decided that he need a break from the homework-copying. Potato wedges from "Asian Fusion" and a small pack of Marigold's mixed fruit and vegetable juice. Bell rings. Ignatius, now with one less worry off his mind, dragged himself to the classroom where the Queen awaits. He made sure that when he enters the classroom he must appear non-chalant, and kept psychoing himself that he has completed the essay -- by himself, so that he would radiate this aura of self-confidence. The Queen is very sharp. She can detect the slightest form of flusteration in her students, so he must really cover his emotions well.

... To Be Continued. Stay Tuned.

Young in the Yellow City (Fiction) (Episode 1)

2009-04-13T20:01:00.006+08:00

There was no else at the class bench when Ignatius Heng arrived. After all, it was only 6:52 A.M. on his Nokia 6233. Ignatius was never fond of watches. Who needs watches when there is a clock on your mobile?

Ignatius threw his white Zinc bag onto the wooden table. A random piece of flyer got blown away from the table-top. There were still more pieces of paper strewn on this brown antique. A pamphlet on Wednesday's Ice-cream day organised by the netball team (to raise funds for some third-world country), exercise worksheets based on the TIME magazine (which was issued more than three weeks ago) that the school had subscribed for them, a detached piece of tutorial on Complex Numbers (which Ignatius didn't bother to attempt, or submit to Mrs. Gwee for marking) that looked like Christina Seow's work, a set of H2 Economics notes on International Trade which had a suspicious-looking size-10 footprint on it. The flat and cheap-looking cardboard box on the table was initially inaugurated to store such papers neatly. However, whenever the box got filled to its brim, people started using it as a paper-weight; pretty soon, it is used as a paper-weight regardless how much of it is filled with papers. Nowadays, the bulk of mass of this "paperweight" comes from the dog-eared "Angels and Demons" by Dan Brown, which still has the iconic sticker that reads "College Library" on its spine.

Ignatius sat on the rickety class bench and the wooden structure shifted its equilibrium to the side away from where he was sitting. Immediately Ignatius was reminded of the Le Chatelier's Principle. The next second, he shook that disgusting thought off his head, half-bewildered and half-cocky by this display of ingenuity.

He took out his tutorial on Circular Motion in attempt to attempt the questions. He gave up after three glances at the question paper; in between those glances were distractions of people-watching. The first distraction was Tammy Chen. She has reached school. She sashayed as she made her way to her class bench located on the other wing of the horseshoe-shaped building. He was captivated by the curves on her body. She isn't exactly what you would call voluptuous, but her curves are... perfect. Like perfect symmetry of each other. Like the sine curve. And it's not just any sine curve. It's your standard "y = sin x" curve, with an amplitude of 1 unit. Nothing too humongous, nothing too negligible. Anything bigger would be like Fong Wei Ling, like "y = 435281 sin x"; anything smaller would be like Aileen Tan, like "y = 0 sin x".

The second distraction was the arrival of Lam Dao Tang. He's just simply too big to miss. At more than 130 kilograms, one might assume that he's the star judoka of the school's judo team, but alas, he blows the flute in the Chinese Orchestra. What a pity, Ignatius thought, each time he sees Dao Tang. He could probably be the only JC student who can give that Indian RJC female judoka the same size as him a body slam. Ignatius was reminded of the scene in the finals of the 'A'-Division Inter-School Judo Championship last year, where the College's best (probably because she was the heaviest in the team) female judoka, got her ass whipped so badly by that ridiculously over-sized Indian judoka. It was like seeing Oprah Winfrey trying to wrestle that girl who lip-synched in the Beijing Olympics opening ceremony. It was literally David versus Goliath. Unfair. Mis-match.

But that was almost 6 months ago, and Ignatius is relieved that now is not the competition season for the sports CCA. Two seasons a year, lasting between two to three months each season, Ignatius and his fellow councillors have to attend these sporting events to cheer for the athletes. Ignatius love to watch those matches, but he hates cheering. Or rather, he hates to lead the student population in cheering. The College students never cheer during a match. They only do so when the team has won the match, which is frustrating because on one hand you need to get the supporters to cheer so as to motivate the athletes, and on the other hand, when the supporters refuse to provide such moral support, the athletes conveniently blame the Students' Council for not doing their job.

On that note, Ignatius decided not to buy ice-cream from the netball team this Wednesday.

It's now 7:02 A.M. The 7 o'clock 151, 156, 174 and 961 buses have arrived. Following closely are the 7:01 74, 171 and 852. Students began to stream in and fill up the empty seats on the class benches. Their dull brown uniform, which is a complete fashion disaster, makes their infiltration into the void decks look like a giant Milo spillage.

Lionel Tay has arrvied, with his signature Deuter bag packed to its maximum capacity with every single sheet of notes and tutorials since last year and the usual can of chilled Nescafé on his right hand. Marcus Li was beside him, probably talking about Bleach anime with Lionel. Both of them sat down on the class bench, opposite Ignatius. Both of them took out their Circular Motion tutorial. Both of them saw Ignatius' blank foolscap paper and question paper. Both of them put the tutorial back into their own folder.

Clack, clack clack. Oh shoot! The familiar clacking of stilettos brought about a gush of warm blood up Ignatius' spine and into the blood vessels of his brain. A sense of deja vú, followed by random bits and pieces of Friday's conversation with Lau Xin Wei and Alicia Ng, then all perplexity became recollection. There was a brief, a very brief, moment of jubilation when Ignatius remembered. Then he quickly realised that it was actually better for him not to remember it. At least he would be living in ignorant bliss for a couple more hours before the Queen's lesson.

Oh! Shit!

... To be continued.

Mrs Ang Lai Kuin

2009-04-13T19:46:00.002+08:00

I happened to chance upon some of Mrs Ang's comments on the Council's Facebook's Wall, and the image of Miranda Priestly flashed across my mind.

Elitism

2009-04-12T21:43:00.002+08:00

I've got a confession to make. I'm an elitist.

I went back to school for the Students' Council campfire on Saturday. To feel like a student again. To see the new faces that will make up the next batch of Students' Council. To see my old friends again and catch up with them.

Meeting fellow Hwachongnians has never felt so invigorating before. I felt at ease and liberated -- feelings which, I suddenly realise, were missing in my life for the past year or so.

And it just dawned onto me that I am not exactly clicking with my platoon mates. I don't speak Naruto, Playstation, Left 4 Dead, or DOTA. Neither do I sing BTT, FTT, clutch and first/second/third gear.

I speak scholarships (overseas, local, and bond-free), scholarship interviews, university applications (local and overseas) and JC-life.

I belong to a different league from them. The atas league? In my opinion, yes, I belong to the atas league.

You can call this culture shock, even though it took one year for this to come as a shock to me. I spent two years in an elite JC, surrounded by people who aspires to enter globally-renouned universities, dreams about obtaining the most prestigious scholarships, and strives to get that string of As and Distinctions on their result slip. The next two years that follow have me ejected from the social circle that I am so attuned to and thrown into the opposite end of the spectrum, where people aspires to enter a local university, dreams to do acourse which they would like to do in that local university and strives to pass their 'A'-Levels.

Never in my life did I imagine myself befriending this group of people. I mean, having obtaining awesome grades and spending 6 years of my youth mixing with other equally academically-inclined students of my calibre have misled me into thinking that at least entering a local university was natural. I didn't think that people would have to struggle for a place in these institutions.

So for the past year or so, I didn't really know what to say to them. I can't engage a discussion with them on the various scholarships available, introduce them to BrightSparks, or advice them on which foregin university to go to.

So I gave a shot at playing Naruto on Playstation 2, attempted to play DOTA using Windrunner, and tried to remember that there's a Witch and a Tanker in Left 4 Dead. It was difficult trying to assimilate into their league.

Aren't there others of the same league as you in your platoon? You'll be surprise. The only Rafflesian in my platoon scored the same number of Bs as the number of As I've gotten for 'A'-Levels. The VJC-ian, whose results (of 7 'A'-Level distinctions) was second to mine in the platoon, didn't even consider applying for any scholarship, or overseas university. After all, what can you expect from someone who wore a cheap-looking, corporate polo tee emblazoned with various company logos (obviously it was a freebie retrieved from some corporate goodie bag) for SMU's Business interview? The least he could wear was a Goldlion formal shirt, right?

I don't look down on them. I never did. But given a choice, I probably won't choose to befriend them. We are just... totally different. Like how a 183-cm tall, blonde supermodel would never fall for a 165-cm tall (or short) Zimbabwian farmer who can only speak Afrikaan and knows no calculus. Heidi Klum was an exception, and I am no Heidi Klum.

It felt good seeing all my council mates again, talking about Liu Lu's entrance to this French university whose name proves to be more challenging than "Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled pepper", discussing about boring university modules and the constant drive amongst current university students to be on Dean's List, gossiping about his/her break-up and envying/frowning upon how fast she could get herself a protective boyfriend.

It felt good.

New phone

2009-04-11T13:11:00.002+08:00

I need a new phone, because my current phone of 3 years (or was it 4?) snaps pictures that are erroneous. Imagine your friend's face (or worse still, your own face (gasp!)) gets covered by unidentified green, pink, yellow or blue pixels/grids/squares. Or that yummulicious spread of Japanese cuisine on the dining table just refuse to appear on the screen.

So, I am checking out these new phones:

BlackBerry Storm 9500:

LG KF900 (Prada II):

Nokia 5800 CwM:

More wants

2009-03-30T22:22:00.001+08:00

Oh. Did I mention that I also want to win both the Nanyang Scholarship and Golden Point Awards 2009?

Wants

2009-03-29T22:10:00.004+08:00

Terence is a dissatisfied young adult who is jealous of everyone, wants everything that people have and wants it better than everyone. He wants brains and biceps (and abs and pecs); he wants to be street-smart and academically-proficient; he wants to be a good teacher in class and a good dancer in clubs; he wants to be good at sports and remember song lyrics.

He wants to impress. He wants to be what everyone is being. He doesn't want people to stereotype him, so he wants to be everything. Perhaps he wants people to steoreotype him as the person who is everything.

Terence wants.

Ex Cope Tiger 2009, Lopburi & Bangkok (Thailand)

2009-03-27T16:36:00.014+08:00

JJ Market, Bangkok!

Pets for sale!

Food galore @ JJ Market!

Curry-like noodles from streetside stall

Fried finger food!

Congested streets of Bangkok

Their idea of goreng pisang! Charcoal-grilled!

Quail eggs

More quail eggs!!

Inside the MRT

TOM YAM SOUP!

Cheap doughnuts!! Mini doughnuts at 1 baht each (Approx. 5 cents)!

5 baht for this chocolate doughnut

5 baht for this hotdog bun

5 baht for this sausage boat

5 baht for bun with kaya filling

Total: 30 baht!! Cheap cheap!!

Cute paos at Lopburi

Monkey Temple! The Roadblock task for Leg 10 of The Amazing Race Season 9 was held here!

Unknown temple at Lopburi

If I remembered correctly, it was 211 steps up to this giant seating Buddha statue.

It was probably another 481 steps up...

...to see this rock at the top of the hill.

Pad Sew Ee! My favourite food! Taste like a crossover between fried carrot cake and char kway teow.

Instant noodles -- Thailand style

Cows!

Singapore Cookies?!?!

Toilet at our living quarters

Communal bathing shed!

Look at how bent their plastic spoons are.. You really need skill to scoop rice using this spoon..

Childhood

2009-03-20T15:47:00.002+08:00

The saddest thing one can ever experience would be the sudden realisation that one's childhood is pathetic, almost negligible and non-existant. And then you don't know whom to blame for such childhood (or the lack of it) -- one's parents for their flawed (in retrospect) upbringing, or yourself for not wanting the childhood when you were still a child.

2009-03-13T19:36:00.001+08:00

I am writing this in Thailand.

In any case, you wouldn't want to experience rain here. It felt like Hurricane Katrina.

点歌

2009-03-02T20:02:00.001+08:00

突然好想将一首蔡建雅的《当你离开的时候》点给自己听。

Thailand

2009-03-02T16:53:00.001+08:00

I'll be in Thailand in about 12 hours' time.

See you guys in three weeks' time.

Photos from .20!

2009-02-27T11:21:00.003+08:00

Birthday

2009-02-21T20:29:00.001+08:00

I didn't receive my Armani Exchange belt for my 20th birthday.

But I did receive a lot of New Urban Male merchandise. I guess that compensates it. =)

Photos will be uploaded soon.

今天情人节

2009-02-14T21:09:00.003+08:00

今天情人节，我独自一人度过。

没什么值得大惊小怪的，反正我也很多年这样孤孤单单地度过情人节，习惯了。

反正空窗了这么久，孤单的感受，也习惯了。看见那些正在热恋中的男男女女成双成对，手牵着手，窃窃私语，心中原本应该产生的那种羡慕、妒嫉、向往、渴望的心态，早已在多年累积下来的习惯与麻木后得到了调试。

就把他们路人甲路人乙就好，擦肩而过，然后在瞬间忘记掉对方的样子和存在，彼此从此不影响彼此的生活。

前些日子本以为自己找到了失散多年的爱情古早味，结果赫然发现自己是扑了个空，空欢喜一场。一个月的感情生活，只有前面2个星期是真正地、真切地、真心地、真实地，后面2个星期则是虚无缥缈的，然后我们草草结束本来就不应该开始的感情。

矛头该指向谁？这问题没有确切和公平的答案。与其把责任归咎于一方，不如看开地说彼此缘分已尽，心情也就不会那么沉重。我选择离开，好过三个人的纠结，把事情简单化，日子也比较好过。

难过吗？若我说‘不’，分明是在撒谎，你们也不会相信我。但是难过难过，也过了快半个月，习惯了。

习惯，就好，不是么？

.20

2009-02-13T19:14:00.000+08:00

2 more days to .20!

Insecure

2009-02-06T23:36:00.000+08:00

Terence Heng is an insecure person.

Random

2009-02-06T08:51:00.001+08:00

This entry was created using free Internet service at Vivocity's McDonald's outlet.

Random.

P.S. 9 more days to .20!

Crash NTU!

2009-01-28T20:43:00.007+08:00

Since it's an off day for me today, and that the girls have to go back to school, and that they invited me to crash their lectures weeks ago, I decided to do so.

Woke up at 6:30AM. Took a train to Boon Lay!

After meeting Kia Hui at Boon Lay MRT Station, we took bus 179 (or was it 179A?) to school! On our way, we met Eunice Tok, who was from my Orientation Group in J1, who won the bet between me and her.

I betted $5 that she cannot keep her mouth shut for 10 minutes. She timed herself using a digital stopwatch. And I lost. Unbelievable.

Oops, bad shot!

Eunice Tok on the left..

And Kia Hui on the right!

This is what I wore.

In the end, I realised I was kinda overdressed. Most students wore tees, berms and flip-flops. And I am not talking about branded tees from AX or flip-flops from New Urban Male. I am seeing BMT company tees, school tees and brandless flip-flops that look like they were off the racks of a random pasar malam.

This is how my faculty looks like inside. Where students gather to gossip or rush through their assignments last minute before lectures.

Oops, I am in a photo again.

My first lecture at NTU is on...

Fucking boring... The lecturer basically teaches you how to perform searches on search engines. And the girls have got tutorial lessons on that, i.e. they actually have to carry out what's being taught in this lecture.

I got two pretty girls by my side for lecture! Jing Ting and Shi Yan.

Not forgetting Kia Hui, also a pretty girl.. Haha!

Lunch was at Canteen A, which was located quite a distance away from the School of Communications and Information. Canteen B was a closer option, but according to Shi Yan, "在 Can B 吃饭，吃了会生气！”

Apparently, Canteen B is non air-conditioned, stuffy, flithy and infested with styrofoam cutlery.

Canteen A!

Look at the crowd!

My half-eaten lunch, Unagi Don! $3.80

Ratings: 6/10
I still prefer the Unagi Don from Hwa Chong's canteen, which has ceased to exist with effect from this year.

My future school!

CNY 2009

2009-01-28T20:31:00.004+08:00

Reunion Dinner @ Grandma's Place!

Braised Duck

Fried Ngoh Hiang

Steamed "Sakura" Chicken

Curry Chicken -- Grandma Style! Best in Singapore! Satisfaction Guaranteed!

Lor Bak (Braised Pork)

Leeks (Eeks!)

What I wear for the new year shall dictate the fashion trend for 2009! Haha..

I'm feeling yellow and white!

Bought this tee shirt from a roadside stall at 花园街 in Hong Kong last March. Whether or not the shirt is authentically from Levi's is besides the point. What matters most is that I didn't realise my shirt has a "牛" printed on it when I bought it. I certainly didn't plan my style so ahead in time.

Went to 四马路观音庙 on 大年初一

It's so crowded that the relevant authorities have to employ the help of police to maintain order!

Birthday Wishlist

2009-01-18T21:46:00.006+08:00

1. New Urban Male Tanks

NUM Party Tank "Mister Happy" SGD $69.90

NUM Party Tank "Mister Party Boy" $69.90

NUM Party Tank "Mister Player" $69.90

NUM Party Tank "Singapore" $69.90

NUM Party Tank "Yishun" $79.90 (Yes, there's Yishun now. New collection)

2. White Armani Exchange logo belt SGD$139.00 (they are currently having a 50% sale!)

3. Armani Exchange duffel bag. SGD $249.00

CNY Shopping -- Levi's

2009-01-17T21:04:00.000+08:00

Just traded my old Giodarno jeans for a brand new Levi's jeans. And bought 5 briefs from Levi's.

花香

2009-01-10T14:01:00.003+08:00

播下一颗回忆的种，
细心地灌溉施肥，阳光充裕。

等它开花，
把花瓣摘下，
风干，
再封在小小地丝绸袋子里。

袋子就系在手腕当作
手链，永不解开。

如烟

2009-01-10T13:52:00.003+08:00

点燃一根思念，
深深地吸一口
青烟，袅袅迷蒙。
高潮后吐出
残留物，灰飞烟灭。

Interviews

2009-01-03T21:41:00.004+08:00

I was reading through one of Samuel Ravi's blog entries on his two rounds of interview for his entrance to NUS Medicine.

Suddenly I felt scared.

It just dawned upon me that I have not done interviews for quite some time already, and now I am apprehensive about doing this thing that was once so familiar, this thing that I was once so confident about doing.

And knowing that you had done pretty well in previous interviews will only make you more nervous.

Okay, I was being partially delusional. But delete my experince with the group of PSC scholarship interviewers, I think I really did well in interviews.

As the new round of scholarship application begins for the 2008 'A'-Level graduates, I have to handle the stress and anxiety of interview preparation once again. This time round, I am gunning for the Nanyang Scholarship.

Only applying for one scholarship this time round. So it's either all or nothing for this year.

Relax. That's what people would advice me, and what I would advice people before they step into the interview room. Indeed, I was pretty relaxed and even walked into the interview room for the Prime Minister's Book Prize with absolutely zero hope and desire of winning the prestigious prize -- since I thought that competition would be really tough and I would have no chance in getting it at all -- but ironically, I became one of the four winners for my year.

Yet, when you want something so badly, you could hardly retain your composure.

I wanted the PSC scholarship pretty badly then. Okay, I admit. It was for the attractive salary package and the prestige that is attached with it -- the "Hey-I'm-a-PSC-scholar prestige. But isn't all these what people want from scholarships?

About $50,000. That's how much Nanyang Scholarship is worth.

I need to get this scholarship. I need it.

.20

2009-01-01T23:51:00.002+08:00

Remember

2008-12-31T12:25:00.004+08:00

Whoops. Suddenly remembered you spent last count down in tekong. Have a good celebration this year. Yupp and i received your card. Its kinda hilarious and thanks haha.

It's always heartening to know that people still remember you. Even after one year later.

One year on, my BMT section mate Jingjie spontaneously sent me the above SMS telling me how he has remembered about me. At the recent class Christmas party, Jia Wei also recalled how he attempted to wave at me during his own countdown at Changi Beach while I was stuck at Pulau Tekong watching Channel 5's countdown programme in my company's Annex Room.

Guard duty.

On a positive note, how many of you are that privileged as to be able to countdown on Pulau Tekong? I'm sure at least the girls will never ever have the chance to do so.

It's always a heart-warming affair to know that you are still being remembered, to know that people still think about you, because it means that you are of importance to them and worth a place in their hearts.

Human beings hate changes, because changes are synonymous to disruptions in their memories. It's like your iTunes unable to locate your MP3 files and play your favourite songs because you had changed their locations while the shortcuts on your iTunes playlist are still linked to the previous locations of the music files. Whenever an event happens that would modify something that is already deeply rooted in your memory, your response would be like your iTunes -- confusion. A pop-up window would appear, alerting you the disappearance of your music files. Then you get frustrated, because now in order to listen to these songs you have to relocate the files and alter the shortcuts on your playlist.

Sometimes it's an uphill task because you got over one thousand song files in your folder and you just simply cannot locate that particular song file.

I was informed only recently that my primary school, Peixin Primary, is merging with Yishun Primary School. The infrastructure remains, albeit with some new additions to it, but gone are the school name, school logo, school anthem and school song. Peixin Primary School will no longer be found on the next edition of the street directory or Yellow Pages. I must now accept the fact that I came from Yishun Primary School ( former Peixin Primary School), and that my future juniors will no longer wear the light pink top and maroon bottoms as uniforms.

I used to think that pink and maroon looks really gay and disgusting. But now it is what I call "fashion" in comparison to the new hideous-looking yellow-and-brown "failure".

Outraged. Disappointed. But most importantly, I feel helpless.

There's nothing I can do to stop the merger. I have no valid reason to protest. I am merely a selfish citizen who wishes to preserve his own memory and identity. Perhaps the pooling of resources can maximise benefits for the next generation; perhaps it's for urban development; perhaps it's a small attempt to help the bleak economy. What I know is that I am on the losing end.

All former Peixinians are on the losing end.

Coincidentally, I got news from my JC junior that Hwa Chong is implementing certain revamp to the school too. Our beloved students' lounge, more affectionately known as Fishtank, will vanish. Replacement is still not made known.

There will be changes to the entire canteen since there is a change of the canteen operator. My beloved eel rice from that Japanese food stall will cease to exist; ditto for Xiao Mi Mi （笑咪咪） economical rice stall; even Candy Yong Tau Foo has to go.

The bookshop auntie is evicted from the school too. She's probably the biggest loser from this revamp saga. Not only did she receive very little notification of the termination of her lease, the school did not even take into consideration of her many years with Hwa Chong. To think that Hwa Chong has always boast itself to have a warmth and amicable environment, the sheer coldness that the administration has given to the bookshop auntie is indeed an apt illustration of what the term "irony" truly means.

Whatever happened to 人情味？ We've lost that inthis incident. We probably had lost it long ago, long before I could even realise.

原本弥漫整个华中校园的浓浓人情味，似乎早已飘散了。取而代之的，是人性里最冰冷绝情的贪婪与市侩。看来再伟大的治校使命与原则，也抵挡不过金钱利益上的诱惑。讽刺，讽刺啊！

A lot of pop-ups are now flashing in my mind. "WHere's Peixin Primary?", "Where's Fishtank?", "Where's my eel rice?", "Where's the pink uniforms?", "How to sing the Peixin school anthem?", "Where's Candy yong tau foo?"...

And then my system hangs.

Platoon Mates

2008-12-30T10:24:00.004+08:00

Sometimes I am glad that my NS days are ending in less than a year's time. Because I can't stand living with my platoon mates any longer.

Don't get me wrong. I don't detest them. Okay, I don't detest most of them. The majority of them are nice people whom I can talk to and work with. Can I live with them? I don't think so. They are nice people, without a doubt, but that's about it. There are no more plus points in them. I don't foresee myself keeping in touch with most of them. I don't foresee any of them becoming my closest friends.

They are still nice people, but to me they will remain as acquaintances.

There are a few detestful and despicable people in the platoon. Like the miser one who even attempted to cheat my change for the mahjong money that I lost to him, whom I've featured a few times in my blog (just to let him have a taste of his own medicine of being so petty about little things, of which he has written 5 entries in his journal harping on one particular issue that involves his pen being borrowed for the benefit of the whole platoon but never got returned to him (but then again my case is a serious one involving one's integrity and morals, so it deserves more feature)).

Then we have a worm-eating (literally), prawn shell-consuming (literally!) and chicken bone-devouring (really literally!) freak who suffers from hormonal imbalance, mood swings and probably inferiority complex about his scholastic achievements and weight and thinks that everyone but himself is a loser when in actual fact it's vice versa. Let's call him boy W.

Boy W suffers from depression and hormonal disorder. I'm not being sarcastic. That's in his medical records. I do feel sorry for him sometimes, because I feel that his illnesses are probably the cause of his asshole-like behaviour.

I would say that the only good thing he has done to this platoon is to unify all of us, who came from vastly different family backgrounds, social circles and BMT companies. But in doing so, he harms people too, for his attempt to bond us together involves the creation of a common enemy and the constant perpetuation that this chosen target is threatening, imbecilic or virtually useless. Arguably, he has succeeded, because his strategy did manage to divert our attention from the physically-streneuous and mentally-laborious trainings and ridiculously-high expectations our superiors have on us.

Yet, he constantly creates a new target for everyone, and soon he will be running out of target.

And never did he ever realise that the joke is now on him. His foil has backfired. Now everyone's against him. And it took most of us almost a year to realise that the reason why we have never been able to bond together cohesively was due to the actions one sole person. But better late than never.

You never know what other tricks does he have up in his sleeves. He's like a walking time-bomb, how can you ever cohabit with such person?

Then you realise that you sleep in between probably the two messiest persons on this planet. Sleeping on your left is someone whose nasal problems would wake up from your deepest sleep every single night without fail; on your right is someone whose personal space looks like the exact replica of the Afghan warzone -- footwear peppered all over the place, random plastic bags in an array of colours hovering around, an assortment of clothings strewn all over his bed, and even on the floor, that probably hasn't been mopped for one month already.

Speaking of which, no one in my bunk ever mops the floor. Either they just couldn't be bothered, or they are merely allergic to detergent. I'm always the one mopping the floor. In fact, I'm probably the only one in this platoon truly concern about the cleanliness of our living environment. Perhaps due of that, they don't see a need for them to clean their lodging -- there's an idiot who will do it, so why should I take the initiative? Not that I mind being the idiot (for now, at least), but sometimes I do get exhausted and frustrated too, especially when certain people just can't seem to comprehend the importance and relevance of not moving around and walking across the tiles when they aren't completely dried from my mopping.

Other than that, we still can click quite well, but I know that they are merely acquaintances, for now. I always dread going back to bunk because it means that I have to go through the ordeal of cohabiting with them for another cycle. We probably can work together with much chemistry, but if you want me to live with them again in the same room for university, I wouldn't hesistate to say no. The rest of them probably wouldn't want me to be their roommates again. I mean, who would want to be nagged at again for their untidy habits and their lack in initiatives in helping out with the household chores?

Comfort

2008-12-29T23:18:00.002+08:00

There's something about familiarity that is so comforting and reassuring.

I always love gatherings of all sorts. Well, almost all sorts. I still find family gatherings pretentious and quite a chore for me to attend.

Gatherings with your ex-clasmates are, however, pleasurable. Especially when all of us were very close with one another.

Just seeing them in their current state is enough to make my day. I guess we all still miss each other's company. We still love each other. It brings you back to a state which you have gone through before. It's familiar, something which you know about, something which you are confident about, and something which you like a lot.

It's a state which you feel safe to let your guard down, to be surrounded by pure, innocent, (hopefully)everlasting friendships.

Merry Christmas

2008-12-25T12:39:00.000+08:00

鸡尾酒

2008-12-25T12:05:00.003+08:00

往血腥玛丽里挤了柠檬汁和一滴
泪。
咸咸的辛酸，调配
特别。喝下肚，
有种似曾相识。

夜宴

2008-12-24T16:48:00.000+08:00

舞动的人群，
血液里流窜着酒精的脉搏。
酒精在热情的躯体里蒸发，
蒸发的人们飘上舞台，随着节奏。
人们随着节奏，在每一次的心跳，
挥洒，挑衅的汗水。

狼藉的酒杯，
曾经是人群快乐的泉源。
玻璃酒杯里的冰块冻结
烦恼，还没解冻。才刚过午夜12点，
沸腾的酒精溶化了躯体之间的隔阂。
隔阂，是酒保在妒嫉我们的快乐。

舞池洒满的霓虹灯，是
性玩具挑逗肉体的神经。
他的脸孔霓虹绿，你的面容紫红色。
舞台上的我们，彼此之间3公分距离，
迷着眼眸，仰起头。
高潮。在Bum Bum De Dum Bum Bum De Dum Bum的挑拨下，
嘴巴咀嚼粉红色的丸子。

飨宴几时结束？
我只晓得，
红与蓝色的灯光闪耀，外加刺耳的喇叭声。
让我再次体验鼻腔被呛着和食道被灼伤。

Kindness Doesn't Pay

2008-12-24T13:44:00.001+08:00

The squadron decided to screen the 2000 movie "Pay It Forward" as part of our Christmas celebrations.

The movie is about how this 7th grade student, Trevor, came up with an idea of "paying it forward", as a response to his Social Studies assignment. The idea is that he will, within his capability, help three people around him, and these three people must help another three people in their lives. Those who are helped must then helped another three people on thier own so as to spread the kindness around.

It started off as a overly-utopian vision to change the world, to make the world a better place. No one thought that the concept would succeed. Not even Trevor. But it did. It started off in Las Vegas, then the movement spread to Los Angeles, then to Phoenix, and across America.

But in the end, the founder of this "Pay It Forward" movement was murdered, ironically, when he was trying to rescue his friend from the school bullies. He was stabbed in his abdomen.

It certainly didn't pay off for him.

I was watching "The Little Nyonya" the night before.

Yuzhu (Joanne Peh) tried to free Yueniang (Jeanette Aw) so that she can elope with Chen Xi (Qi Yu Wu), the man whom she truly loves and not be forced to marry Liu Yidao, a crazy fellow whom Yueniang doesn't fancy and yet insists that Yueniang to follow his mother's wishes of marrying him.

Coincidentally, villian Robert Zhang was attracted by the beauty of Yueniang when he saw her locked in her own room (to prevent her from escaping), so he tried to get fresh with her, but instead Yuzhu laid on Yueniang's bed as she thought that one of her evil family members was trying to check on Yueniang. Never did she expect herself to fall pray to Robert Zhang.

Worse still, Robert Zhang's outrage of Yuzhu's modesty was witnessed by her own sister, Zhenzhu, who chose to ignore the incident as she wanted to marry Chen Xi, who was initially forced to marry Yuzhu.

It's hard for me not to draw the connection, after watching "Pay It Forward" and "The Little Nyonya", that being kind doesn't pay. Trevor dided while trying to save his friend from bullying; Yuzhu got raped while helping Yueniang to escape from a forced marriage.

It's disheartening. I don't know whether or not to lose faith in humanity. Nice people may win reality TV shows, but that's about it. In real life, being nice doesn't bring you far, neither does being nice reward you.

I know the act of helping shouldn't be tagged with a reward. But neither do I want myself to suffer from miseries and misfortunes despite continuous efforts in helping others. It is just unfair.

Look, even an extremely stingy person who refuse to even treat his friends can win big money during several mahjong games, how fair is that? Till now, he has never ever bought something for any of us in the platoon. Not a can of drink. Not even a piece of candy.

Yet his luck in mahjong is unfairly superb.

Apparently being nice, helpful and benevolent doesn't pay. Unless you stop being nice, shit will just keep coming at you. Even my mother agrees after watching that episode of "The Little Nyonya". 好心没好报, she sighed.

What happened to karma?

We shouldn't be expecting any forms of reward when we decide to help others. Altruism should come from the bottom of your heart. The only source of motivation should be your desire, your want to help others. External factors, like the availability of tangible rewards, should never play a part in your decision to help. That wouldn't be "true helping" anymore.

However, what we expect would be fairness from God, from the One, from O Heavens. Be fair. Treat us like how we truly deserve. The characters in the movie and the drama serials may be fictional, but they certainly are reflections of the lives of many individuals on this planet -- kind souls who are unfairly treated.

What goes around comes around? But does that apply to kindness? Will the kindess that we spread eventually come back to us? From the looks of it, the answer is probably no.

It's just disappointing.

Wind

2008-12-21T14:54:00.004+08:00

There's something familiar about the wind that is blowing at my face right now. It has the smell of deja vu.

Then I remembered. It's the smell of the December wind. I smelt that last year when I was at Tekong.

One Year On

2008-12-19T15:08:00.005+08:00

I attended the Commissioning Parade for the 71/08 batch of officer cadets at SAFTI on 13th December 2008.

The day that these guys finally receive their epaulettes, each with a golden bar sewn on it, was also the day that marks my 365th day in National Service. For those officer cadets who were in the same PTP batch as me, this date is extremely significant.

One year ago they were blur recruits who could only take orders from superiors, who stepped onto the Tekong soil with much trepidation, who looked ridiculous in their crew cut; one year on they are the ones who call the shots now, they are now the superiors, they are the ones who give orders which many must follow, they are now the ones with much pride and honour.

Even though I wasn't the one being commissioned, I felt extremely happy for those officer cadets standing on the parade square, whose heads were held high in their very best bearings. And especially so for those close to me, for they have done so much that I wouldn't have been able to accomplished.

Extreme physical trainings, countless rounds around the parade sqaure in No. 4 with boots plus tonnes of unnecessary load on your back, 9 days or so in the remote jungles of Brunei and Taiwan, ridiculously high expectations from your superiors in the school, endless opportunities for suspension of privileges... the list goes on. Sheesh, I certainly can't do that. I probably need prescriptions for anti-depressants.

Those guys on that parade square donned in the supremely-smart No. 1 uniform did what many of us can never achieve, and they certainly would have all my respect. Well, even though some of them were jerks during school days, and that I'd never really like them, I still clapped and cheered when they threw their caps up in the air in celebration of their official commissioning.

The What-Ifs kept haunting me recently, especially since it is now the one-year anniversary of my service for the country. What if I had chosen to work towards OCS during my BMT days and not do absolutely nothing for SIT test and IPPT in attempt to avoid being enrolled into OCS? What if I really made it to OCS, would I survive? What if I had known that my clearance is high enough to get myself into RSAF, and what if I know that trainings for officer cadets in Air Force School is bearable for my standards, would I have ticked the "Yes" box when asked if I want to go to command school?

I can still vividly remember how proud I was that day when I, without much hesistation, ticked "No" to command school and was certain that I would never look back and regret at my arguably rashful decision. Until recently.

Nostalgia is Evil, with that capital E. It makes people look back, and in doing so, people start regretting. It prohibits us from moving on and it hallucinoses us into believing that our past is better our current state(s).

And you start remembering your first day on Tekong, your first week, your first 5BX, your first interaction with your bunk mates, with your platoon mates, your first PC interview, your first time having to stand up in the middle of your breakfast and dinner at 6 A.M. and 6 P.M. respectively for the raising and lowering of the flags.

Day 1 was about the formulation and fine-tuning of our grand plan to escape from that island which, then, was perceived as cursed by many of us. Hijacking a fishing sampan that frequents the waters nearby, take a bit of soil each day and slowly reclaim our way back to mainland and feigning a serious injury so that we can hijack the Super Puma and fly our way back home were some of our silly options.

Eventually, we did leave the island for good, by taking one of those Penguin ferries. Our last ride on those ferries. After 13 weeks of proper basic military training.

Oh boy, as cursed the place may be, I still miss Tekong.

Everything just felt... different, back then. We were nervous, cautious and ridiculously ignorant about living on the island and survivng the trainings. We abide by whatever rules and regulations that we were taught or instructed. Without fail. Should we breach one of their rules, we fear. We tremble. We mumble in defence. We sometimes cry.

But not now. We heck care a lot of things. We follow the age-old unorthodox rule of "do but don't get caught" and had broken so many rules already. We no longer fear, because we now know what to do, and what's best not for us to attempt.

Things in unit life are just different from that in Tekong. Even the air in Tekong smells a lot different. Unpolluted air, just like our innocent mindset we once had during the first 3 months of our enlistment.

And now, we've learnt so much, so much so that we can heck care a lot of things. We do the bare minimum. Like for IPPT, a lot of us just aim for a pass, just so that they can be promoted.

Yes, I am guilty of being one of them who does the bare minimum.

But a trip to the commissioning parade and Zouk Out! after that put things into perspective. A golden circular badge with the silhouette of a running figure sewn on it can be found on the left sleeves of almost every single officer cadet; and almost every single guy who took off their clothes at the beach party had a body that most other men would die for.

And then I look at myself. I am nowhere near physically fit or physically attractive.

And then I am reminded of my own heck care attitude towards a lot of things.

What the fuck have I actually achieved, I asked myself.

Do you want to achieve something meaningful in your NS, or do you just want to slack off your two years achieving nothing, my first PC during my BMT had asked. "Are you proud to tell others that you were a clerk for your two years in NS?"

I feel inspired. To make a change. To make a difference. In my life.

Probably like what Jing Jie, one of my best friends made in BMT, had written on his Christmas card to me, I am an over-achiever. I've got fabulous a PSLE score, I'd done well in Chinese High, got into the top class, obtained a Silver medal for my science project in the Singapore Science and Engineering Fair, 8 distinctions for 'A'-Levels and the Prime Minister Book Prize 2008.

Like what Survivor: Gabon contestant Crystal Cox had said, when you are at the top for so long, it's hard to accept defeat.

As a top student from a top school, the masses has created and inoculated you a lionized persona, which means the acknowledgement of any kind of failure would represent a complete contradiction to your public image. The perceived perfection of us top students has been built up to such extent that we can no longer afford anything less than complete success.

Success, in the case of National Service, would mean to make it to OCS.

I have failed, according to the standards of the masses. I didn't make it to OCS. Just because I'd stubbornly believed that I really wanted to slack my two years away when my first PC asked us that question.

But I don't wish to continue to be a loser. I really need to do something.

Make that Resolution No. 1 for the year 2009. To make a difference.

For a start, I guess I need to start working out. Intensity of my gym routines need to be increased. More runnings are to be conducted. Swim as much as I could during my two-hour lunch break.

Jia Wei (who is an officer now) has this MSN nickname right now as I'm typing this: live no regrets. moving on.

I want to live with no regrets. But nostalgia is Evil. It's hard to move on. It makes me melancholic. It makes me want to listen to Dido's "Grafton Street" again and again.

It's all the what-ifs. Maybe I still haven't fully adjusted to being at the bottom of the society, albeit for two years only.

Enough of words. Readers want pictures, so here we go:

My SJAB mate Jeremy, with his parents putting the epaulettes on his shoulders:

Jun Quan, Jia Wei, Yan Min and me:

Me and Jun Quan:

Me and Chin Kiat:

Me and Gerard, my BMT platoon mate:

Most of them lost weight. And they really lost a lot. It certainly had been hard on them.

Christmas Wishlist (Part II)

2008-12-06T11:00:00.005+08:00

Monopoly Here and Now: The World Edition. SGD$69.90 from Toys 'R' Us

Mindtrap Game Set. Approx SGD$65.00. I think there are 2 editions to this game. ~~Both of them~~ Any one will do. =)

Much-anticipated third album "Safe Trip Home" by UK singer, Dido. Approx SGD$20.00

Sex And The City -- Movie Book. Approx SGD$45.00

Christmas Wishlist

2008-11-30T10:01:00.002+08:00

I Declare Myself "Mister Player" tank from New Urban Male, SGD$69.90 before discount. 20% storewide discount on weekends. 20% havianas/flip-flops on all days for SAFRSA card member. Buy any 3 items and get 4th item free on all days for SAFRA card member.

I only want this particular design!! =)

Braziliano Praia "Beetle" series, SGD$49.90 from New Urban Male. Any decent colours. Pink, for instance, is indecent. 20% storewide discount on weekends. 20% havianas/flip-flops on all days for SAFRA card member. Buy any 3 items and get 4th item free on all days for SAFRA card member.

Take note, I only want the "Beetle" series for only this series won't separate my big toe from the rest of the toes. Look carefully at the above pictures and you will realise. Please, NO OTHER SERIES that separate my big toe from the rest is allowed! =)

Armani Exchange Logo Belt. US$48.00 from the online U.S. store, should be around SGD$129 from local outlets. I couldn't find pictures of my most preferred white logo belt that I saw at the Ngee Ann City's outlet, but I think I can make do with this. =) Of course, I would still LOVE to own that white logo belt from AX. =)

Thank you! *Hugz*

Not Straight Enough

2008-11-29T10:50:00.003+08:00

Almost a year in this organisation, the way signed-on military personnel does things still never fail to amuse me.

Like during a recent exhibition of our equipments to some foreign VIP, we had to place our equipments in such a manner that it aligns with the brick tiles on the parade square.

With that comes repeated pushing of the 4-tonne equipment (manually, of course!) under the scorching mid-morning sun, while wearing the military-issued helmet (that won't serve the purpose of protecting you from any head injuries anyways since the act of pushing the equipment will not, within my imagination and knowledge, cause any form of head injuries) which makes your head feels as if it is steaming xiao long baos for Ding Tai Fung restaurant.

Then you get agitated and volatile, and will starting hating the nation for making you endure such shit.

Then you make yourself promise that you will never, EVER help to defend this nation when Malaysia finally decides to commence their military attack instead of just initiating another verbal warfare.

Then, you will realise that this foreign VIP won't be so intellectually-challenged as to notice and comment how our equipments are not aligned according to the tessellations (I need to google this word to check its spelling!).

After all, this is a display of our military capabilities (or the lack of it) and not some "Who Is The Most Anal Person?" contest.

And you realise how unnecessary the alignment was and how ridiculous our high-ranking officials are as to insist on the alignment.

And then you are amused, once more.

To give or to receive, that is the question

2008-11-26T18:36:00.004+08:00

It's almost December -- the month of festivities (albeit commercialised), the month of celebrations, the month of sharing and giving.

Perhaps retailers were the ones who came up with that last description for December to boost their sales. It may be just a ploy, but I am willing to believe in the idea of giving during this festive season.

After all, life is not all about receiving. You need to give. You need to learn to give. You can't forever be on the receiving end.

You cannot see the act of giving as a subtraction of your own personal wealth. That's far too myopic. The act of giving goes far beyond the satisfaction of one's material comforts; the act includes the "feel-good" factor that only can be derived when you share, the act itself is a form of socialising -- by making others happy, you are already connecting with others, bridging any gaps that may exist, leaving a better impression of yourself in others. The act is more than just "helping" others; you will eventually "help" yourselves as kindness will come back you.

It's like karma. Cause-and-effect. What goes around comes around. However you want to see it as.

You give, people will remember your givings and they will give back to you.

They will. Stop all your pessimistic and sceptical views of human nature. Because no matter how fucked-up human nature already is, there's one thing that's good -- most of us believe in cause-and-effect, we will give back to you when you give something to us.

I'm not expecting you to give beyond your financial capabilities. For example, I really that grey leather Calvin Klein bag, but I wouldn't expect to receive that for Christmas or for my upcoming birthday, because that bag costs a whopping SGD$599.00 without discount, and because I know that price tag is far beyond what my friends can afford.

BUT, things are a little different if you have had a windfall, when the money that you've gained is not through the means of your own hard work, not through sweating and toiling, not through accummulating lactic acid in every single muscles of your body.

You are expected to treat. To give. To share.

It's not a rule. It's a custom.

It's not wrong not to give. It's not written black-and-white under local laws that the reluctance of sharing a windfall with others is a chargable offence. But it's a custom.

Like if you just won $20 from all ofyour other three opponenets in a mahjong game, you are expected to treat. It's not stated in any mahjong rule book, but it's not a rule.

It's a custom.

Going against this social norm is like defiance. Like disrupting the harmony and the perfectly-balanced Yin and Yang that normal people have scrupulously built and maintained since time immemorial.

And it tels us a lot about one's character.

Selfish? Maybe, but not quite there yet. Money-minded? Certainly, but neither do we have the rights to blame him for that. Because it's not a rule to treat the rest using your winnings from the game. It's MERELY a custom. Greedy? Perhaps, but not to that full extent too.

Because we cannot fault him. It's neither a rule nor a law.

It's JUST custom.

For such person, he shouldn't be expecting anything from me Santa this Christmas, because he hasn't been good.

"But, Santa! I HAVE been good. I've never squandered a single penny from my parents' wealth! I have scrimped and saved all my money! I collect unwanted things from others to re-use! I've saved a lot of money! I AM a good boy this year!"

"My dear boy, haven't you understand? Life isn't about receiving. You need to learn how to give, how to share. I am merely giving you a taste of your own medicine. So, no pressies for you this Christmas. Now, fuck off."

The act of giving transcends the balance in material well-being. It's about making friends, strengthening bonds and most importantly, it should be about making people happy without expecting any gains in return.

Being stingy and selfish won't get you anywhere. No one would be willing to lend you a helping hand should you need one in future, because people will always remember what a miser you were previously, so there won't be any motivation for them to help you.

Plus, how are you going to get yourself attached if you continue to be so money-minded? If you were to insist on going Dutch for every single meal, movie or taxi ride, your relationship won't last. Such act is just not gentlemanly.

The act of being too overly-concerned with money is just an example of failed moral education in general.

You have failed as a human being.

P.S. Even though I think you guys still cannot afford it, but I still hope for that grey leather Calvin Klein bag for Christmas. =) Alternatively, that white Armani Exchange leather belt, with a huge rectangular buckle which has "AX" on it, is also ideal. $139 before discount. 30% storewide sale at Armani Exchange now. $97 after discount.

Pawns

2008-11-20T21:28:00.002+08:00

The thing about being a man for your National Service is that you need to learn how to be a pawn. A disposable, dispensable piece of tool that only has temporal value. No matter how great were your scholastic achievements back in JC and secondary school, you need to adapt.

And you need to adapt real quickly. Because in the military world, which functions in a completely different manner from the normal outside world, rank is king, regardless of one's capabilities. The environment is so detached from normality that if an NSF fails to learn to respect that custom, they will find themselves engulfed by unfairness and grievances, which they would desprately try to get out of or to change.

It's not that by adapting to the military's way of doing things will immune you from being engulfed by unfairness and grievances. It's just that if you can adapt, you can take things easy.

Then you save yourself from any inferiority complex.

Men are like paper utensils. There are loads of us. The women in Singapore mass-produced us. We are everywhere, disposable, easily replacable. Hence, do not expect to be treated with much dignity. Get used to it. You are merely a tool to help those officers to achieve what they want: allow them to command you around to meet their promotion criteria, help them do loads of saigang so that your unit can be awarded the Best Unit, help them with all the paperwork and stores maintenance so that there will be no findings during any audit.

At the end of the day, who gets the benefit? It's not you. no medallions, no trophies, no certificates, no cash incentives, no days off (okay, if you are lucky you do get a couple, but that's about it), no quicker promotion, no further promotion.

Nothing. We get nothing. The big boss up there will get all the credit. He will be promoted. He shall be praised. He may get a pay raise.

All you get at the end of the day are repeated denials of your privileges, the removal of your dignity and basic human rights by being ordered to have your dinner outside the platoon office while seated along the corridor and nothing close to a word of "Thanks".

that's the life of being a man. Get used to it. We are merely pawns for the officers.

I Can't Count

2008-11-02T18:42:00.004+08:00

Saturday was embarrassing.

Well, not for me, at least. Our squadron had a recall and was activated. We had to return to camp as part of this Operational Readiness Assessment (ORA).

The embarrassing moment came in the afternoon just before the assessment began proper. The entire squadron had to fall in so that our strength can be taken. However, it was appalling to see how our high-ranking officers fumbled at strength-accounting, right in front of the assessors.

They just make primary 1 arithmetic looks like rocket science.

It's just a matter of simple addition and subtraction. Yet, they took nearly an hour to account for our strength of about 140.

How difficult can it be to count 140 people?

They just simply embarrassed themselves, not only in front of the assessors, but also in front of their own men as well. They just simply reaffirm most of our sceptical views that the high-ranking officers are not as capable, efficient and competent as they seemed/are supposed to be -- a view that we have ever since we enlist.

It was such a disgrace. How can I feel proud to be part of this squadron?

How can I even be proud of serving my nation?

Why is that there wherever we go, we still get screwed-up officers? Why can't for once I see a unit that has all its officers living up to the image that the entire Singapore has envisioned?

How can I even trust our own defence force when they cannot even accomplish a simple task of calculation?

It's probably not an isolated case. Just ask around and you will hear amazing stories of astonishing officers who have done appalling things.

Fucked-up officers are everywhere.

As what one of our 1st Sergeant had said, "Give me your Major rank. I can count for you." Indeed, this 1st sergeant is probably one of the most competent army personnel I've ever seen. And he's only an ITE graduate.

What happened to our officers who are university graduates?

It's disheartening.

想不开

2008-10-26T10:14:00.004+08:00

晚餐两人份，你不在。
King Size双人床，你不爱。
无聊的客厅有谁人知？
只有将一切往心里塞。

想说“嗨”却说成“拜”，
无奈地任由你逍遥在外。
我还记得你要的咖啡，
两颗糖，不加奶。

但是眼泪还是掉下来，
突然一切变得很精彩。
我知道这样做不应该，
可是脑袋不自觉空白。

每天的报纸我照样买，
在新闻里我把自己埋。
我知道这样做不应该，
可是偶尔我也想不开。

苹果派、热牛奶，
我准备的菜你不再青睐。
现在的你只喜欢外带，
我想，却不敢一切重来。

想说“嗨”却说成“拜”，
无奈地任由你逍遥在外。
你还记得我要的咖啡，
几颗糖，要么奶？

但是眼泪还是掉下来，
突然一切变得很精彩。
我知道这样做不应该，
可是脑袋不自觉空白。

每天的报纸我照样买，
在新闻里我把自己埋。
我知道这样做不应该，
可是偶尔我也想不开。

后记：很久没有写写中文的东西了，没想到一写就写了一首仿佛是没有旋律的词。看官若有谁愿为这首散文诗谱曲，笔者不胜感激！

Billboard Top 100!

2008-10-25T11:17:00.001+08:00

Actions and Consequences

2008-10-21T10:40:00.002+08:00

It's called cause and effect. All courses of actions will have their correspnding consequences. Some called it karma. Forgiveness begets forgiveness. Kindness begets kindness. Hatred breeds hatred. Revenge breeds revenge.

What you do, it will be passed on. What goes around comes around.

Some people just enver be ableto comprehend this fact. Their actions seem to be done out of reflex rather than through careful and thorough considerations. To put it crudely and colloquially, their thoughts don't pass through their brains before being carried out. They fail to realise the possible impacts their decisions and actions will have on those who surround them, and sometimes, even on themselves.

I understand that some people are merely doing their job. however, they need not always follow the books. Between professionalism and appeasement, I think the latter would ensure a more successful and smooth-sailing career/time in the army.

In the army where people live with each other, where people see each other almost on the daily basis, where the platoon is tightly-bonded, where the community is closely-knitted, being a people's person is important. Going by the books all the time will never earn you respect. You have to be flexible, know how to bend the rules -- but of course not to extreme and ridiculous extend -- so that people will like you.

Gaining popularity is your first step of gaining respect.

You can be "anal" for all you want. Your men under your charge most probably would still follow your orders. But would you be bale to garner their loyalty and their respect?

You can argue that by being "anal" and follow strictly by the books, you are merely doing your job, but are you sure that at the end of the day, your job will be well done?

"Anal" begets "anal". It will come back to haunt you. Your inflexibility will come back to haunt you.

Don't pretend to be so idealistic and self-righteous. That's just naive. most of us are after all NSFs. We are all in this together -- performing our mandatory two years duty of National Service -- so why make it hard for everybody? Afterall, there's this much you can progess and climb up during your two years stint in the army. You are just a serviceman. At the end of this two-year journey, it's all back to equal.

And when you start university, it is when all your past sins will come back to haunt you.

Cause and effect. Karma.

Ifs

2008-10-20T22:09:00.003+08:00

If I had not covered up my seizure experience and tick "No" to "Have you ever had a history of seizure?" when filling up the mandatory online questionaire prior to my pre-enlistment checkup, I would have downgraded myself from the current PES A to PES C.

If I had not dreamt of going to Officer Cadet School (OCS) and aspired to become a high-ranking Officer (and earn big bucks), I would not have covered up my histroy of seizure.

If I was not disillusioned and appalled by the behaviours of the Officers in my BMT company, I would not have tick "No" to "Do you wish to become an Officer?" during the express of interest.

If I had (somehow) entered OCS, I would be able to enjoy the prestige and respect people have for Officers. Even if I ended up becoming a Specialist, I still get to enjoy some sort of prestge and respect, though not as much as what the Officers are entitled to.

If I had known that my clearance is high enough for me to enter Air Force, I would have indicated interest in command school, for I know my life as a commander would be in the good hands of the Air Force.

But "if" is a word upon which history pivots into hypothesis. What happened happened.

I never regret my decision of becoming a lowly, humble corporal.

The Grass Is Greener On The Other Side?

2008-10-18T21:34:00.003+08:00

I am starting to hate it when people start comparing how "chao keng" or "garung" one can get.

"Oh, so you PES C storeman lah, wah lao chao keng."

"See those PES E ones. So good sia, 8-5 job leh"

"Arty so slack, wait you come my OCS course then you die arh!"

"Don't compare with me can? !@#%$#$ My SOC got bring dummy hor."

And the examples are endless, given that every single guy I know would talk about NS once the conversation starts. But what exactly qualifies one to comment on others? Only when they have went through them, that is what I strictly believe. You are not qualified to say that one's life path is smoother until you have really went through the sweat and blood the other person went through.

What makes you think a man does lesser than a specialist? Or a specialist lesser than an OCT?

What makes you think that people's 8-5 job is better than your stay-in one?

What makes you think that a tankie is a better/ worse life than an infantry trooper?

What, makes you so different that you can look down on others?

Is it the elitist culture? Is it one's upbringing? Is it one's ignorance?

There are no singular answer, and there will never be one. It's time to stop gloating or boasting. Every life is unique in itself. You might complain that the PES E guy have a good life, but would you exchange for that job for a hole in your heart?

-- "Silence and Absolution" by Pui Kit in his blog "The Detached World"

Glenn and I had a chat with one of the MT drivers during this Bersama Lima Exercise. As I am typing this, I couldn't recall what exactly did that driver say that make me realise how tough a driver's life actually is. All that I can remember now is the shitty job (in my opinion) of camouflaging a 5-tonner with a 15 metres by 15 metres camouflage net.

Trust me, I have handled camouflage nets before. A 12 X 12 one is frustrating enough.

And these guys have to climb up the tonners to do the camouflage. Apart from tired arms and sweaty backs, they also risk losing their footing and fall down the height of a tonner.

Oh, they also risk being charged with speeding. Or with crashing the military vehicle. They risk being sent to the detention barracks.

On a separate occasion during this exercise, I spoke to the signaller attached to us. Their jobs ain't as simple as we had always assumed.

Prolonged, excessive built-up of lactic acid in your muscles is not the ONLY shitty thing that can happen to you in National Service. I now realise how bad the lives of the seemingly slack vocations can be.

We are all in this together. The grass is not always greener on the other side.

Exile

2008-10-18T12:05:00.003+08:00

The thing about doing sentry duty while you are in outfield is that you feel like you're being exiled. Like the Exile Island in Survivor. You are away from conversations, you are away from gossips, you are away from keeping yourself updated on the latest happenings in the platoon, you are away from making connections with your friends. I now know exactly how lonely and desperate those contestants in Survivor feel when they are sent to Exile Island. The desperate need to be informed, to be connected and to feel the warmth of familiarity, the lonliness when you know that your friends are happily chirping and gossiping while you are alone in silence and darkness in an foreign environment.

The only difference between Survivor and outfield, and also the element that makes outfield sucks more than Survivor, is that you are exiled to a place no more than 50 metres from the civilisation of familiar faces and the comfort of safari beds. You can still hear their laughter, and at times, the exact conversations between your other friends.

You know what's going on, but you can't be in it. Technically you are still informed and updated, but you are still missing out on something. You eavesdrop on their
conversations to beat the boredom of manning the sentry post, only to be reminded of the pathetic situation you are in right now. So lonely, so desperate. Their giggles and loud roars only serve to contrast the overwhleming silence of your surroundings that engulfed you rather than to tease you with a small taste of familiarity in an unknown terrain.

Being exiled also has its advantages. Away from all the commotion, you get a chance to think. Just thinking. No holds barred. Academical, intellectual, philosophical, ~~sexual~~, ~~political~~, visionary, or simply just daydreaming. If use wisely, it can help you orientate yourself -- help you know what you want to do. My post-ORD plans are now carefully planned.

But it still suck being alone. Quality time by yourself is still lonely time. For someone like me who values relationships and connections with others more than anything else, it's better to screw up your life than to lead a lonely life.

Couldn't Keep Up

2008-10-11T10:57:00.002+08:00

I was looking back at my archived entries and was amazed by how much I could blog in the past. The blogging urge that I once had, those seemingly endless inspirations are now something which the current me is envious about.

Yue Kai tagged and inquired about the lack of an updated blog. And it just dawned upon me that I just couldn't keep up.

It's not as if I have nothing to write about; in fact I have lined up so many different stories to share with readers of my blog over the past few months, or even the past year, but only a handful of them was actualised.

Procrastination? Perhaps. I have a lot to say, but there's something missing. Like a missing ingredient. An essential ingredient that will again ignite the passion I once had for blogging.

The documentations on my blog is certainly not an accurate illustration of my life. It's not that mundane. Probably too much is happening, and I just couldn't keep up.

It's the same feeling for the various progess my friends are making in their respective lives. Which universities are they going? What courses are they pursuing? Double degree? Which country are they heading to for their tertiary education? Are the guys ~~proudly~~ serving their country or currently in the Medicine faculty? Which units are the guys posted to? What's their ranks? Are they now PES A or PES C? Are they still attached? Have they separated? Is there a class outing?

And it doesn't help when your social circle has a circumference as that of the Equator. I am not complaining about knowing too many people, or boasting about how many people I know (in fact, I say how many people I know, and not how many friends I have) It's just that somehow you feel obliged to keep yourselves updated on their current status.

Which is why I love Facebook and MSN Messenger. I can roughly know how each and everyone is doing by scanning through their nicknames and status bars.

And then you feel obliged to meet up with them and attend outings and gatherings. I don't detest most of them; in fact I do miss them sometimes. But sometiems you just can't bear to bring yourself to go meet them.

Because you know that there would be awkwardness when you guys meet. This awkward conversation of inquiring everoyne about their current status. This awkaward conversation of revolving around superficial topics like, "How's life?", "How's uni?", and "How's NS?". A convenient question to fill the gaps of awakward silence, an open-ended question that has potential to prolong the survival of conversations, which usually fail anyways because the respondants usually feel the same awkwardness as well and will summurise their current lives within seven words.

You ask an awkaward question, and you will get an awakward response.

We know that, yet we still ask the same questions.

We have failed to keep up with each other's lives.

And not that we can even keep up with our own lives.

Just to let all of you to keep up with my life, I will be away for an Exercise from 11/10/08 to 17/10/08. And 13/10/08 will be my blog's 4th anniversary.

Do SMS me while I am away from civilisation. Keep me updated.

600th Entry + Yeo Wei Xin Part II

2008-09-21T21:10:00.002+08:00

600th entry. About 12 more days to my blog's 4th anniversary.

*****************

I am just fascinated by how much brouhaha the entry on my jealousy towards Wei Xin's advertisement appearance has generated.

It's no wonder why people like Dawn Yang and Xiaxue and Steven Lim would write similar entries every day -- because these entries can create so much awareness of their presence.

I mean, fuck it! If you don't like what I'd written, or think that I am shameless (which I obviously am), like some attention-seeking media whore, don't patronise my blog.

I bet the sheer amount of hate messages I've received on my tagboard is an indicator of how foolish and stupid some readers are as to promote my blog by recommending it to their friends even though they hate that entry.

To Anarchist: Aren't you hiding behind the monitor screen as well? At the very least the whole world knows that I am called Terence Heng, but what about you? So are you being a fucking bitch as well?

To k: If I am a loser and a cunt, what are you? At least I've been awarded the Prime Minister's Book Prize, did you even receive any prize from your local library for completing their holiday recommended book list? You didn't even have the balls to leave your name, so fuck you.

To batman: I think if you were to be featured, the bus drivers would just ram their buses onto the ads with your face on it.

To defender of justice: So what "correct shcool image" has Mr. Yeo Wei Xin perpetuate?

I mean, it's has been such a long time already, and people are still commenting? Even Wei Xin's ads have been removed, shouldn't we just move on?

Maggots in McDonald's Curry Sauce

2008-09-14T17:26:00.001+08:00

The following is a forwarded e-mail:

FYI ... especially for those staying around Compasspoint ... Gotcha ...

I went to the outlet at Compasspoint on 3 Sep 08 at about 10pm. I ordered 2
Double Cheeseburger and a 9 Pcs Chicken Nuggets. After which I asked for
Curry Sauce and Chilli Sauce to take away.

When i got home, which was a short 2 mins ride, TO MY HORROR, when i opened
the packet of curry sauce, i was greeted with a 'smell' and there were many
tiny maggots crawling inside with a portion of the curry sauce which have
turned black and harden and possibly rotting.

I wrote in to feedback to Macdonalds the same night, and this morning (4
Sep) i had a call from a Business Manager apologising for this encounter,
the first thing she asked was if i had kept the packet of curry sauce! The
maggots were crawling out, obviously i had it disposed as soon as i took
the photos, and in our conversation she also mentioned that this is not
isolated to the outlet at Compasspoint! It was island wide as it could be a
supplier problem. I think it is ridiculous! She also told me there were a
few complaints already.

Shouldn't they stop giving out curry sauce while pending investigation? It
was 'fortunate' for me that the rotting and maggots were visible. For those
packets which have not turned black may have maggots swimming in the sauce
which is not known to the consumer. I asked her if they do check the expiry
date of the sauces, she mentioned that the turnover for curry sauce is very
high thus unlikely it would hit past the expiry date. Then my question is,
if it is not even past its expiry date and it is rotting with maggots,
what's going on???

This just serves as a warning to fellow Macdonalds consumers to watch out
before dipping your food into curry sauce, you may not know what is
swimming and growing in there...

Close up shots

Marksman

2008-09-12T21:54:00.005+08:00

For my Advanced Trainfire Package (ATP), which in layman terms means shooting of the M-16 rifle, my score is as follows:

11 out of 16 for my day-shoot...

...10 out of 12 for my night shoot...

...making it a total of 21 points...

...out of a maximum possible score of 28.

However, in order for me to obtain my Marksmanship badge, which is merely a symbol to boast about my accurate shooting, and the SGD$200 monetary award that comes with it (not forgetting a day off from National Service)...

... I need 22 shots.

~~What the fuck.~~

Yeo Wei Xin

2008-09-11T13:07:00.004+08:00

No. I am not ga-ga over Mr. Yeo Wei Xin. ~~How can someone ever be infatuated with such person?~~

As a matter of fact, I am jealous and annoyed. Extremely jealous and annoyed.

The fault probably does not lie with him, so do not misquote me.

The issue is his appearance on the latest series of New Moon's Chicken Essence advertisements, which can be found in bus-stops all over the island.

And I mean it, they are, or rather, Wei Xin's everywhere!

From Upper Bukit Timah Road, outside Coronation Shopping Plaza...

... to Lornie Road, just before the Adam Flyover...

... to Hougang Avenue 3, just outside Block 1...

There are many more of his ads at the bus-stops in the Defu Industrial Estates (I didn't bring my camera phone then). I am not so concerned over the sheer number of his portrait appearing at bus-stops; rather I frowned upon the choice of words used to describe this character in discussion.

Top 'A' Level Student? Define 'top'. How 'top' is top?

I do not have much details about his exact 'A'-Level grades, but if we were to define a "Top 'A'-Level Student" as one who obtains the maximum possible number of the highest-possible grade, i.e. the 'A' grade for core subjects and "Distinction" for his H3 subjects, Mr. Yeo Wei Xin certainly does not fit the criteria -- because he isn't one of the 3 Hwachongnians (and certainly not one of the 6 Rafflesians) to obtain 9 'A'-Level Distinctions, the maximum possible number of the highest-possible grade.

Wei Xin, at the most, scores the same number of distinctions as me.

And if that's the case, why wasn't I selected to be featured on the ad? Yes, I admit that I enjoy the limelight, so why not me? I am sure I can do just as well, if not better, than Mr. Yeo Wei Xin.

~~In fact, I think that my smile and my overall presentation look better than him.~~

Perhaps the relevant in-charge was unaware of my presence (and my outstanding grades). Perhaps one of Wei Xin's relatives had helped him to clinch this deal (whether is it against Wei Xin's wishes or not). Perhaps... perhaps... there are just too many conspiracy theories that I can come out with, but as I said, I am not going to fault We Xin and hate him with passion.

I am just jealous. Innocently jealous. Period. Not revengeful or whatsoever.

PRIME MINISTER'S BOOK PRIZE

2008-08-24T18:45:00.003+08:00

Just to prove to you guys that I am not lying and I am indeed awarded the Prime Minister's Book Prize 2008, not that anyone has any doubts.

Hooray! $500 worth of PageOne vouchers!!

Jin Bo's Farewell

2008-08-23T21:27:00.007+08:00

God knows when this was, but anywyas we had an exclusive farewell party for Jin Bo, who is FINALLY posted out of Chong Pang Camp. It's sad for us since we've osrta lost a good friend, but yet at the same time we're also happy for him because he's finally out of this place, a dream come true for him.

Let me introduce to you the lead character of the event, Jin Bo!

Wah lao, si bei act cute...

And the rest of us...

Ken

So bashful...

Wei Hao

and last but not least, how can this event happen without...

...me!

And how can any outing happen without...

... me being vain?

BUT, the main attraction of the day would be...

*drum rolls*

HAAGEN DAZ'S CHOCOLATE FONDUE!!!

Look at how the chocolate hardens IMMEDIATELY after it is in contact with the mini scoop of freezing Haagen Daz ice cream!!

Random pics...

The chocolate fondue costs almost $45, without taxes.

So expensive!!! ARGH!!!

Fortunately it was a treat from our flithy rich boy, Ken Ho!

no wonder Wei Hao is elated!

Bishan Gay

2008-08-08T20:02:00.002+08:00

Bishan lensman draws Net talk

For full report, click here!

PART-TIME tutor Daniel Cheng is a familiar face at fast-food outlets in Bishan's Junction 8 mall.

The 46-year-old is the man seated at one end of the restaurant, be it KFC or McDonald's, for hours on end. His reverie is broken occasionally when he picks up his camera phone and appears to train it on the restaurant patrons.

His antics have not gone unnoticed.

Marcus Lin, 17, from the nearby technical institute, who hangs out at the mall, said: 'We try to avoid him. Everyone here knows him. He's always there, listening to his CD player and taking pictures with his (mobile) phone.'

Mr Cheng has attracted no small measure of Internet infamy as well, with numerous blogs giving details of his eccentric behaviour. There are even videos posted on YouTube of him in action, which attracted close to 1,000 eyeballs.

The comments are hardly flattering, with netizens, mostly students, giving him the moniker 'Bishan gay' because of his odd behaviour.

When The Straits Times caught up with him late last month, the stocky man covered his mouth with his hands and chortled when told about the blogs.

'I'm not aware of these at all, I'm not a celebrity. I never read blogs because they are not examples of true objective journalism,' he said.

Not once did he ask about what was written about him online. Nor was he curious to find out who the bloggers were.

Even when told of what had been said about him and his anointed nickname, Mr Cheng, who is single, did not bat an eyelid.

Dismissing it with a wave of his hand, he said he was not bothered by the accusations because they were all 'untrue'.

'I'm not a celebrity or anyone famous. What can I do about them anyway? A lawsuit costs a lot of money and it takes a few years before it can be completed. By the end of it, I will be so drained.'

He was told that people could be discomfited by his behaviour of snapping pictures and recording videos of strangers.

No, that could not be the case, Mr Cheng insisted. 'I am taking pictures of only Bishan's scenery. I love Bishan and I feel very attached to the place, which is why I still come back here after moving to Ang Mo Kio,' he said.

Another reason: He said he is attached to his alma mater, Raffles Institution (RI), which moved from Grange Road to its present Bishan campus in 1990.

When contacted, RI deputy headmaster Kenneth Kwok said the school was aware that the boys knew of Mr Cheng.

'We do not encourage our boys to engage in any name calling. We also emphasise to our boys the need for personal safety when they interact with any strangers,' he said.

Mr Cheng claimed to know many RI boys, attending alumni functions and fund-raising fun fairs. He is often seen wearing T-shirts linked to the school.

'I feel responsible for these boys, and I just want to guide and help them if they need it,' he said, when asked why he was still so involved with the school after so many years.

No one, he said, had ever told him off to his face.

That might be the case, but talking behind his back is a favourite pastime of those in the area.

The Straits Times observed him for nearly six hours on a Tuesday starting from 10am till about 4pm, at a fast-food outlet at Junction 8 mall and on bus service 156.

He seemed oblivious to the attention he attracted.

Some teenagers gave him a wide berth at the restaurant.

Others pointed him out to their friends and spoke in hushed voices about how he was always hanging around in the area. Some even chided their friends for sitting near him.

Andrew Chan, 16, was one of the students who spotted him at Bishan and told the two friends he was with to sit far away from the man.

If Mr Cheng was aware of the students' discomfort, he did not show it.

That Tuesday, he snapped pictures with his camera phone while in the restaurant - where he sat for four hours nursing two cups of tea.

He then headed to the nearby coffee shop, for about 20 minutes, where he had lunch and carried on taking more photos.

He boarded bus service 156 outside Bishan MRT, got off three stops later near Mount Alvernia Hospital and crossed the road to the bus stop by MacRitchie Reservoir.

Here he spent half an hour before taking the same bus service again, this time, in the opposite direction, taking snapshots both at the bus stop and on the packed bus full of students from RI and Hwa Chong Institution.

After alighting in Ang Mo Kio, he was last seen crossing the road once more for the opposite bus stop.

Altogether, The Straits Times saw him take at least 19 photos during the day.

He certainly got an eyeful of Bishan.

cheekin@sph.com.sg

Additional reporting by Tan Wei Zhao

Saturday on 26th July -- Mind's Cafe & Lau Par Sat

2008-07-27T18:13:00.005+08:00

Saturday was our farewell gathering (oxymoron) for Lan Fang and Yan Yin, who will be heading to Peking University and University of Toronto respectively soon. Unfortunately, lan Fang left before I could take any last pictures with her.. Damn sad..

Anyways, we went to Mind's Cafe (which, in spoken English, sounds like some new hangout spot for the intellectually-challenged to chill at) at Boat Quay.

See those green houses along the orange stretch? Those belong to me! =)

Monopoly game with Jia Wei, Shi Yan, Jing Ting, and Yan Min.

Yan Min and me smiling.

We tried to act dao..

Me with Yan Min, Xinyi and Audrey

Shi Yan and I

Marcus and I trying to act dao as well..

Jia Wei and I being,uh, ourselves. Haha..

In the end the bill came and the group of eleven or tweleve of us had spent $218 on miserable servings of food and board games. $218. Mind's Cafe is a luxurious hangout spot, now you learn something new.

Dinner with Yan Min, Lian Joo, Marcus and Yan Yin at Lau Par Sat.

Food glorious food!

White carrot cake

Black carrot cake

Oyster cake

Yan Yin with char kway teow

Dessert was mango ice!!! Yan yin insisted on eating mango ice, and since she's departing soon, we just let her have her wish granted.

Stroll to Merlion after dinner, with a lot of random chatting, like finding a suitable English name for Yan Yin. I insist that she should be addressed as Helen, or Mary.

Just for the record, this is my first time at the Merlion Statue. That just totally shows how Singaporean I am.

Photo Spam!

2008-07-20T18:39:00.006+08:00

Lunch with Kay Siong and Ying Cheng at Hougang Mall, 20th July 2008, Sunday

干扁四季豆 @ 三盅两件

北菇滑鸡饭 @ 三盅两件

Kay Siong and Ying Cheng, at Soup Restaurant

Subsequently after lunch, we went to 美食美客,a food court by Kopitiam for dessert, and look what we've found!

Gigantic, antique-looking "Emperor" chair

Look at its sheer size!

Me being Emperor

The entire food court is so oriental. The names of every stalls are clever puns on idioms or commonly-used Mandarin expressions. You'll find poems emblazoned on top of every dining tables. And mind you, these aren't your usual primary school poems like 床前明月光，疑是地上霜。They are poems of higher standard and difficulty. I even found 李白《将进酒》 , which happens to be one of my H3 CHinese Lit. texts, on one of the tables.

Then, you'll see lyrics of traditional folk songs printed on the glass windows:

Hainan folk song.

Hakka folk song

Hokkien folk song.

Teochew folk song

Cantonese folk song Part 1

Cantonese folk song part 2

And then you'll see me camwhoring...

Sinister

2008-07-19T20:21:00.004+08:00

I think that the following entry will anger a large group of people. Seriously, from most of the readers' point of view, it's only a trivial issue. No collateral damage. No chain effect. Probably just a personal, temporal emotional imbalance. Or perhaps I am just anal. Or that I am being unnecessarily insecure for no good reason. Or that I am just jealous? Uncontented?

I understand. When I just started to have such thoughts, I did stand at your point of view. One side of my brain sides with you guys, but eventually the other side still proves to be more formidable. So, here goes.

You know, when you are in the army (or air force for my case, but whatever it is you still know where am I coming from), where mandatory communal living involves you being exiled to behind those intimidating barbed wires together with a bunch of nineteen, twenty year-olds of varying academic intellect, obtaining a string of As for your 'A'-Levels is a big thing. You become an instant headline. The topic of the day, of the week, of the month, or even forever. Everyone in camp knows thatyou got straight As. Everyone knows that you are offered People respect you. People look up to you. People worship you.

It's a big thing, really. People will not treat you like shit. Your commanders will treat you like a proper human being. They give you dignity, they talk to you nicely in a mature fashion. Your peers will also give you superstar treatment. Okay, that's a little exaggerating, but in essence, those around you will give you respect.

You feel good being with them. Cheap thrill? Not exactly. An unscrupulous way of reassuring yourself that you're still the creme of the crop, of giving yourself a high self-esteem? Perhaps. I'm not sure.

The moment you step out of Chong Pang Camp and i) take bus number 852 and alight at the bus stop outside Hwa Chong Institution, or ii) take the train to Bishan MRT station, alight and walk 200 metres to Raffles Junior College, you won't feel the same way. Okay, I did not take the train to Bishan, alight, walk to RJC and feel different, but I certainly felt that way when I went back for my Awards Presentation Ceremony last week.

Suddenly, your straight As is nothing. Negligible. Peanuts. Just throw a pebble at any random direction and chances are you will injure someone who has the exact same grades as you.

And the chances of him/her being a scholarship holder is even higher.

Whereas your university education will most likely be sponsored by your parents.

You start to feel inferior. Thanks to the lionized persona you have built up from the worship of your peers and superiors in camp, the acknowledgment of any kind of inadequacy would represent a complete contradiction to the image that you have in camp.

Your perceived perfection has been built up to such an extent that you can no longer afford anything less than you being the best.

Take another pebble and throw at another random direction. Chances are you will injure someone who will be heading overseas for their further education. In a reputable tertiary institution of course. Cambridge, Oxford, Harvard, U-Penn, LSE, NYU, Brown.

And you start to feel like a loser who will remain in Singapore like you've just missed the last train or ferry to get out of this tiny red dot to further your education and therefore you have no choice but to fucking study at NTU.

Take another 5 pebbles and throw at random directions. Chances are you will injure potential doctors, lawyers, accountants, ministers, Prime Ministers and Nobel Laureates.

By now if you are not arrested by the police for assault and hysterical behaviour, it means you're not paying attention to this entry.

And most probably you are just a fucking journalist who can't even afford to bail yourself out. If you are a advertising director, perhaps you can afford the bail, but that is if you can make it to the advertising industry.

Ice-cream with my council peers after the ceremony had me felt really uneasy about my decision of reading Communication Studies at NTU, or Mass Communication in university for that matter. Their eyes say it all. Pity, disappointment, detachment. In fact, it's not only in their eyes do I see such emotions. Most whom I have notified about my university and course choice gave me the same expression.

"Why Mass Comm? Given your grades..."

"Why Medicine? Law? Engineering? Political Science?" I would used to rebutt them. But as more and more people question my choice, my confidence has eroded. An extraordinary phenomenon it is if you know me well.

Even my mum questions me.

It seems that only people with not-so-fantastic grades venture into Communications. A pity that I have "wasted" my string of As. Disappointed that I did not live up to societal's expectations of "good grades go to 'better' courses and universities", like Medicine, Law, Sciences at Cambrigde, Oxford, Harvard. Disappointed that I have chose to venture into a field reserved for 'A'-Level graduates with not-so-fantastic grades.

And slowly they feel detached from me, because most of us high-achievers and brilliant academic performers have chose the path that the society has expected them to choose, while I insist on my own personal interest.

"Sinister" is originally the Latin term for "left-hander", which I am one, and the term initially suggests that left-handers are "evil" and "sinnful", like how you can infer from the spelling of the term, just because their behaviour deviate from social norms. "Norms" that are implemented by the right-handed majority.

Perhaps that's the way how things are working out for me now. I seem to have sinned, choosing a different route from everyone, and definitely a different route from what they have had expected me to choose.

My dreams are shaken. I feel out of place.

Suddenly I love going back to camp.

In Response to Peter Wong's RJ-Hate Entry

2008-07-13T18:49:00.004+08:00

And oh, Peter Wong will be reading Law by the way.

(Roll eyes) "No comments. Peter cannot even outtalk me, and he wants to become a lawyer?!?!"

Mrs. Ang Lai Kuin, one of the teachers-in-charge for the 33rd Hwa Chong Students' Council, exclaimed on knowing Peter Wong's aspiration.

"why i freaking hate rj"

2008-07-13T18:37:00.000+08:00

"why i freaking hate rj"

Extracted from Peter's Wong blog

yes yes i HAVE TO VOICE THIS OUT I AM SO ANNOYED.

there are various reasons why i hate rj such as
1. i heard they are backstabbing ppl who backstab their own friends
2.they always beat as in softball (except this year. HAH. not tt i played but. HAH HAH HAH)

but the main reason is.

THEY ARE FREAKING CHEATERS.

okay. let me begin my story.

i was randomly stalking ppl on facebook. yes now i realise how fun it is to stalk ppl on face book, look at their pictures, link to their hot friends, and link to more hot friends.

so. i was stalking this girl who was from jian yang n hong wei's class but went rj called siqi. shes a little hamster who i always pinch last time. the last time i talked to her was like a year ago at hc where i randomly pinched her n walked off.

i wasnt so desperate to the extent of stalking a friend from a year back. its just that she announced on facebook that shes in hk n i was like. WTF.

okay i have to digress. basically i am THE hk pro and everyone of my friends who are about to go hk call ME to check out where to go n call ME to check out the cheap stuff and the classy stuff that u cant find in spore. this explains why i am always so classy. anyway. i am like the hk consultant for hc. anything from where to go in hk to any cantonese bad words under the sun such as "fark your mother smelly exploding va-beep-beep". SO. i was so extremely pissed that she din call me n ask n thus i decided to click on her name.

okay that was basically a introduction to the introduction. heres the introduction.

okay digress. i dun think anyone knows that i am such a extremely crappy person who can write my friend a 9 page long note. mind you, its A4 size. and my handwriting is small and ugly. and its so long not because the main point is important but because the introduction is about 4 A4 paper long. and i can digress digress digress digress digress digress digress. yes stop counting its about 7 digress. basically it means that i can talk about A, and halfway through it i digress to B. and half way through B i digress to C. yes u get the idea u dun study so much for nothing. so anyway. this paragraph is just a freaking example of how i digress. i wrote so freaking much but you dun even have the slightest idea why i hate rj ppl so much. thats how bad it is.

ANYWAY. where was i. okay wait let me scroll up. oh yes yes. so i clicked on her name. and i saw that she was attached to this girl called laura sth. so i was like. wow i din know shes into this kind of stuff. so i clicked on the girl's name.

N HOLY SWEET MAMA. SHES ONE HOT GIRL.

okay u get the idea. i hate them because they use cheats. yes jian yang if you are reading this you will prob be thinking about sth like "knncb stupid honkie kope my idea." so i am going to give you credit okay. this idea is basically kope from jian yang. but i modified it.

he said the ang moh use cheats. okay he stopped there. i am going to elaborate. ang moh sld go n die. its like how they can anyhow wear some ugly singlet, board shorts and stupid billabong slippers n look hot while we look like we just migrated from china, anyhow train n get biceps as big as my head , anyhow play a guitar n look like they can get into uk top 10 while i look like some cock who is trying to act cool, anyhow talk and girls will find them so sexy cuz they have the sexy accent while i try my best to sound cool and roll my toungue but ppl still think i sound china, dun shave and look ragged while us chinese looks like we just escaped from prison, wake up and leave the house with their hair having the sexy "wake up look" while my hair curls and stick to my head like some guy staying in a cave without a mirror for 10 years. u get the idea. ugly cheaters. but i know god is fair. so ang moh prob die alot earlier and have only one ball or 3 boobs. yes thats always how i make myself feel better. i will look at some hot ang moh n think to myself, "nevermind. he is prob impotent". to hell with the fact that their dicks are 10 times longer than mine and they get all the sex they want. i insist that they are impotent.

okay that was basically a interesting digress.

so. let me explain how rj are cheaters too. actually, now that i come to think about it. they are like 10 times more cheat than ang mohs. if ang moh cheating level is "show me the money" (yes old star craft fans will get the idea. for those stupid girls out there, that is a cheat that makes you have lots of money) , than rj ppl will be using "power overwhelming" or "whosyourdaddy", cheats that make you invincible. means that you cant be killed at all.

why is that so? well, firstly, they are freaking CHINESE too. LIKE ME. its not like they serve different food in rj and so they absorb different nutrients. okay maybe they do. no food can be worse than hwa chong canteen, the best is like CANDY YONG TOU FU. but thats beside the point. they are like. ME. normal chinese (okay most rj ppl are chinese too okay. i am not racist) teenager who just happen to score 260 and above for psle. i scored 259 by the way. and its like. i cld have been in rj and use the cheat too. SO WHY THE HELL AM I LIKE THAT.

well tts like the 5th digress. anyway. thats the reason why they are more cheat the ang moh. but why are they using cheats. let me explain.

isit just me being petty and stupid or isit that rj always win alot of sports, have super hot girls (n some guys), are the SO CALLED smartest 18 years old in singapore and the guys ALWAYS GET LAID all at the same time?

yes yes stupid rj ppl dun think i dunno. i always hear some rj ruggers/swimmers/tennis player/not softballers/even some loser looking ppl boasting on some bus about how satisfied some girl, or girls was after they screw them 5 times in some club on some day when i was MUGGING MY ASS OFF IN SCHOOL WEARING SLIPPERS AND HC TSHIRT.

yes yes. now u can prob tell i think the guys are more cheat than the girls cuz i have to admit that the girls are REALLY QUITE HOT.

just a digress. (yes again). i was further angered when i went to the hospital emergency department for flu and cough. no i din want to go there but my instructors in army basically forced us to go there n wont accept private clinic mc. its so screwed up but i will prob talk about it some other time.

anyway. i stepped in for the 1st time n god. i swear shes the hottest doctor ive seen in my whole life. she looks like those girl who sell clothes at far east. u know, some make up, hot, tall, nice legs. but usually i make myself feel better by thinking that they PROBABLY wont have such a bright future. but god shes a FREAKING A&E doctor. she only worked there for 3 years and shes alr a a&e doctor. i used my charm to get a 3 day mc. okay that was not necessary. anyway. yes. shes from that school. THAT SCHOOL. i dun even want to write it out anymore.

than. theres this 2nd time when i went to the same hospital again. okay i bet u guys out there are already thinking to yourself "whick freaking hospital is it i want to go there n complain my dick hurts". to protect my 2 angel doctors, i wont tell you. ANYWAY. n. yes. theres ANOTHER hot doctor there who looks sweet and decent. n wow wow wow. i guessed its no susprise which school shes from. i was about to touch her cuz i thought shes skinny n weak when she told me happily that she was from JUDO. argh. and she hated hc ppl cuz she said hc judo girls use cheat. GO TO HELL ONLY RJ PPL USE CHEAT.

okay. please dun ask me how i found out they are from rj, how i found out she worked for 3 years and became A&E doctor, how i found out shes from judo, how i found out she think hc ppl cheat in judo, how i got a total of 5 days mc for flu and cough. just dun ask. i totally din flirt with them. i was lying on my bed when they whispered it into my ears, their face 3 cm away from mine. i can actually smell their heaven like breath when they talk to me. yea u think i am talking cock right. i swear on my balls its true. i swear. u wanna bet 10 bucks? its really true.

.....

okay fine i feel bad misleading u all. they were using this torch thing to check on my ears and eyes and eyes while i talked to them.

and you know whats the angry thing. the thing is. its not like they have one or two hot girls. if its like that its okay cuz its just like how hwa chong have one or two hot guys named peter wong. the thing is. there are THOUSANDS OF THEM. they are like ants. wait sorry thats insulting. bacteria is prob a better description as to how many hot girls there are at rj. i really wonder what rj canteen feed the girls. maybe lots of estrogen in their chicken chop or other boobs and ass enchancing food?

okay i can elaborate on how cheat they are for the whole day. but basically i am sick of writing a blog already so i shall end here. one last thing. though i sounded like i love rj secretely, i swear that i will only try and send my children and grandchildren to nan yang, chinese high, than hwa chong and maybe vj but NEVER WHEN I AM STILL ALIVE RJ. its not like i dun want my kids to be hot. its just that i simply love the way how stupid n goofy and kind hearted and unpretentious hwa chong ppl, especially the boys are. just look at wong de pin from track or daryl lim whos currently in ocs. they's so cute and stupid i think my dog wants them as pet. i just love the guys. and the fact that my extremely rare rj friend, a-beep-beep lee ( this is to protect her identity) told me about how she prefer hc cuz the rj ppl are really cold and backstabbing. yes call me a uncle or conservative old man, but i rather my children grow up in such environment than some place which will make them sucessful outside, but screwed up inside cuz of all the possible backstabbing.

so. i have to say it. i dunno if you guys know. but i FREAKING LOVE HWA CHONG. its like the best school in the world. love it.

so cmon, everybody raise your hand up. uh huh, uh huh, check check, everybody sing.

海天寥廓云树苍笼
中有我华中礼门义路
时雨春风吾侪托帡幪
猗与华中南方之强我中华之光
雄立狮岛式是炎荒万世其无疆

yea that was high, people at the back, can you hear me? what encore? okay okay.

yea, yea. apple bottom jeans, boots with the fur, (with the fur)

人生茫茫学海洋洋
吾侪当自强
朝乾夕惕日就月将莫负好时光
猗与华中南方之强我中华之光
雄立狮岛式是炎荒万世其无疆

wow. basically i din know the lyrics are like that. after reading it, i still dunno what the lyrics means. and sorry. but i never bothered to learn the hwa chong english school song.

so, the conclusion is : i love hc and even when theres lots of hot girls in rj, allow me to say

EEYER RJ EYYER.

ps. please please please spam me with comments (my friends only, i dun want some random rj ppl unless ure hot) cuz i will want to know what you all think about the way i write! i told genesis about my blog and basically, that clever and well endowed girl thought my blog is going to be in chinese.

pps. okay this is impt. rj ruggers please do not start banging on my door and shouting that you did not screw any girls. basically if you realise the bulk of the blog is about how hot the girls are. so girls, you should be very proud and asking around for peter wong's number if you hafnt already done so. while guys, sldnt you be proud you're banging so many girls?

ppps. wow wow wow. now i understand why ppl think wikipedia is dam cool. theres actually a english translation for my beloved school song.

English translation of the lyrics (incomplete with errors)

Verse 1:
The wide sky above, shrouded in clouds and trees, in the centre lies Hwa Chong
The path of propriety and righteousness, the happy and sad times, we shall entrust our protection

Verse 2:
Life is full of wonders, the boundless sea of knowledge, we shall remain strong
Strive for the best and remain alert at all times, always progressive, do not waste the good times

Verse 3:
When we have become successful, attained glory, made significant achievements
We continue to strive for the best, manage all around us, the road ahead is vast and long

Chorus:
O Hwa Chong, strength of the south, pride of the Chinese
Stands firmly on Singapore, which seems like a remote place, continues to live on and on

The Chinese school song is in classical Chinese and was written by 邵庆元. It is set to the tune of Annie Lisle, though the tempo of the school song is much faster.

yes genesis/pamela/daphne/nick lim/ yi en/ non chinese speaking idiots. now you know what it means. i knew all the words since like. primary 3.

pppPs. i am really a very crappy person.

pppps. OF COURSE. not all rj ppl are like tt. its just like how not all hc ppl are cheena. i dun mean to insult any rj ppl so dun be angry okay.

Hwa Chong Awards Presentation Day 2008

2008-07-13T18:24:00.002+08:00

--------------------------------------------

I forgot to collect my plague for my Commendation Award for scoring 8 'A'-Level Distinctions. Damn.

Sweet-smelling Compound

2008-07-11T11:24:00.003+08:00

*July 3rd*

I've officially passed out from the course.

--------------------------------------------------

*July 7th - 8th*

Basic Biological and Chemical Defence Training. It's a mouthful, that's why we shorten it to BBCDT, which is still a mouthful nevertheless. In essence, we were taught on how to protect ourselves in case of a biological or chemical warfare. Yet, ironically the protection suit itself is claustrophobic and suffocating, and all of us uanimously agree that we would rather get corroded by sulphuric acid than to die of claustrophobia.

Furthermore, the training suit issued to us reek of mould. Perhaps these suits themselves are biological and chemical weapons of mass destruction.

And oh, days in camp now are so much more relaxing. I am loving my sergeants more.

--------------------------------------------------

*July 9th*

D-Day. Pun intended. We were "forced" into the gas chamber to get a feel of what it's like to be exposed to CS gas (tear gas), just that it isn't World War II and we aren't victims tortured by the Germans.

Surprisingly, the effect is not as bad as I had expected or what had been described to me. Perhaps it's due to my mastery of correct techniques in the canister-changing drill (which involves the changing of the filter of your protective mask, a potentially-choking experience) and knowing the need to take a deep breathe BEFORE you take off your mask instead of AFTER you take off your mask to prevent the extreme, unnecessary and silly inhalation of CS gas.

Funny as it may sound, CS gas has a queer, sweet smell. It smells totally pleasant and harmless. I mean, how can a sweet-smelling compound even vaguely possess any ability to cause collateral damage?

Contrary to popular belief, I didn't cough excessively or tear uncontrollably after I (unwillingly) removed my mask and exposed my face to the gas. My eyes felt stingy, but that's about it.

As I said, how can a sweet-smelling compound even vaguely possess any ability to cause collateral damage?

I called my mum almost immediately after I was allowed to exit the gas chamber. She sounded relieved that I had escaped unscathed. I was too.

--------------------------------------------------

*July 10th - 11th*

Life in camp is still relaxing. Ran a few errands, did some area cleaning. Lunch. Ran a few more errands, did some more area cleaning. Dinner. Admin time. Sleep.

Repeat cycle for next day.

And I finished reading the book "Sex and The City".

Back

2008-06-27T22:16:00.000+08:00

And I survived!!

Last Stretch

2008-06-22T20:16:00.001+08:00

It seems so far away... seems too difficult.

Last week.. last stretch...

I need strength and faith in myself.

2 more weeks

2008-06-15T20:32:00.002+08:00

2 more weeks to the end of course.

But before that, it's a 3D2N outfield experience, followed by a 5D4N outfield experience.

Although there's a weekend in between these two outfields for us to recuperate, the close frequency of these outfields is really daunting.

I will survive?

Silence

2008-06-15T20:24:00.002+08:00

The hardest, and probably the most cruel thing on Earth would be to forbid one from spreading one's mirth to others.

It requires a tremendous amount of effort to contain one's excitement and exhilaration. The joy would expand like gas over time, until the point when you, like a over-stretched and over-inflated balloon, start to feel the strain and eventually burst.

Spill the beans. Let the cat out of the bag. Divulge a secret. However you wanna call that.

But then again, reality sets in and one would succumb to the fact that any incompliance may possibly render a withdrawal of one's benefits.

Pragmatism truimphs big-mouth-ism afterall.

Sex and The City

2008-06-08T18:22:00.002+08:00

You gotta watch this movie. It brings out the bimbotism in me, and probably will bring yours out too.

The movie explores the theme of love -- the definition of love, the composition and elements of love, the aims and goals of being in love, and "what's next" for love?

The movie illustrates the sweetness of love, but it also depicts the frustration of being in love, in particular, marriage.

When a couple has undergone their hot, passionate love phase, what's next for them? How can they maintain the freshness and their interest in their relationship before the flames of passion die and extinguish? Is marriage the answer -- to give themselves a formal status and recognition to prove that they are truly in love and to extend the time of their love for each other longer?

The blissful picture that the movie has painted about love does tempt me to fall in love at once, but it has also made me give a thought as to why do I want to fall in love.

What do I want to get from falling in love?

To get comfort in times of misery? Responsibility from looking after someone? Physical contact?

I really don't know. Like Samantha in Sex and The City, I love myself more than I love others (although I am not as promiscuous as her). I can't bear to abandon too much of what I have to own the life of someone else.

Yet I, too, hate the feeling of being lonely.

Maybe I am just selfish. What does "receive" mean to you should you have never "given" out/up before?

But seriously, I have reached a stage where I think I am a little desperate for love. Rationality in my mind has urged me to think carefully before doing so, and I guess that's the main reason why I haven't been falling in love. Falling in love requires courage, and a lot more recklessness.

I have been hurt before. But I never lost my faith in love. I am still looking for The Perfect One, just like Louise in the movie.

I am still patiently waiting/hunting.

Meanwhile, go watch the movie. Be dazzled by all the glamour in the movie. All the Louis Vuitton, Prada and Vivienne Westwood.

Rating: 9 / 10

Prime Minister's Book prize 2008

2008-06-06T21:38:00.004+08:00

Dear Terence

The Special Awards 2008 -- Prime Minister's Book Prize

We are pleased to inform you that you have been awarded the Prime Minister's Book Prize for 2008 in the 'A' level category.

The Presentation Ceremony will be held on thursday 21 August 2008 at the SEAMEO Regional Language Centre (Auditorium), 30 Orange Grove Road, at 1500 hours.

To ensure that the Ceremony proceeds smoothly, you are required to attend a briefing and rehearsal on the day of the Ceremony.

Your attendance at the briefing and rehearsal is essential. For this prestigious occasion, please be in formal school attire.

Koizumi's Budokan: 小权 纯裕郎 的 武道馆

End

Teachers' Day

抱

外婆

暹罗之恋

朋友（下）

朋友（上）

Celebration

Follow Your Teacher's Footsteps

Hatred

鱼片米粉（终）

信约的真正意思？

Why Must I Care?

Improvement

Appreciation

Don't Forget The Lyrics Quiz

Windows Vista Basic

Back to NDP

Anonymity

Foreword to Combined Rehearsal 1 @ Floating Platform

Combined Rehearsal 1 @ Floating Platform

Chemistry Test

白事

Officers VS. Men

Tuition

Samsung i900 Omnia

人生何其短，何必苦苦恋

On Gucci and Louis Vuitton

Mugging Progress for Don't Forget The Lyrics 《我要唱下去》

Mugging Progress for Don't Forget The Lyrics 《我要唱下去》

Travel Alone

Young in the Yellow City (Fiction, Episode 2)

Young in the Yellow City (Fiction) (Episode 1)

Mrs Ang Lai Kuin

Elitism

New phone

More wants

Wants

Ex Cope Tiger 2009, Lopburi & Bangkok (Thailand)

Childhood

点歌

Thailand

More Photos and Videos from .20!

Photos from .20!

Birthday

今天情人节

.20

Insecure

Random

Crash NTU!

CNY 2009

Birthday Wishlist

CNY Shopping -- Levi's

花香

如烟

Interviews

.20

Remember

Platoon Mates

Comfort

Merry Christmas

鸡尾酒

夜宴

Kindness Doesn't Pay

Wind

One Year On

Christmas Wishlist (Part II)

Christmas Wishlist

Not Straight Enough

To give or to receive, that is the question

Pawns

I Can't Count

想不开

Billboard Top 100!

Actions and Consequences

Ifs

The Grass Is Greener On The Other Side?

Exile

Couldn't Keep Up

Koizumi's Budokan: 小权纯裕郎的武道馆