School

刚刚经过一个组屋单位，看到了屋主在屋外晾起刚洗涤好的校服（应该是她孩子的），霎时觉得好感动。

我是多么怀念当学生的滋味。

尽管繁重的课业常常把我们压得喘不过气来，但是我们却还是快乐的。

我怀念和同学游戏玩乐闲言闲语时发出的笑声，怀念我们经常在午餐时间到不同的餐厅用膳，也怀念我们在乘搭巴士或地铁时只需付4角5分的优惠。

自从当了兵，我鲜少听见发自内心的爽朗笑声。再怎么开朗乐观的男生，终究也会经不起NS的折腾，收敛灿烂的笑容和表现心情起伏的放肆。

我也很怀念学习的过程。兵营里也由提供我们学习的机会，但是对于莱富枪和手榴弹的操作、野外生存技巧或是作战策略，大多数的男生都不感兴趣。况且，长官也不善于施教，所谓的考察也漏洞百出，实在欠缺专业精神，而兵营里所谓的“学习”也失去了原有的意义。

非常怀念当学生时在人际关系以及知识探索这两方面的充实与满足。

怀念我们的自由、放纵与任性。

有人说过，3个月的BMT就像在JC时的"First Three Months"一样的短暂，一样的会让人回味。But I still remain sceptical about that. JC的“三个月”是在无数的笑声中，在一次又一次的outings和林林总总的比赛中，在过度挥霍快乐中化为乌有；BMT的“三个月”却会是在无数个咬紧牙根，无数次的肌肉酸痛和长期的疲劳轰炸中慢吞吞地过去。

By the way, I will be having my field camp from 27th Jan to 1st Feb. As a result, I won't be stepping on the soil of mainland Singapore (now I am making Singapore sounds like China and Tekong sounds like Taiwan) for about a fortnight.

2个星期的与世隔绝，只会让我更加想念我的学生生涯。

军营生活之无谓

迄今，仍然还没从军营生活里学到些什么。

长官所教的关于急救和枪械的知识，考过了，就忘了。

而每天在军中让我忙得不可开交的，让我提心吊胆的，都是一些很无谓，很琐碎的事情。

说真的，1个月的军营生活并没有把我训练成一位有强壮的体魄，有坚强的意志和有顽强的斗志的男子汉。我仍旧幼稚天真，偶尔也需要一个温暖的拥抱所带来的安全感。讽刺的是，长官对于我们的居住环境的清洁与卫生的苛刻要求，却把我们训练成比有经过专业训练的家务助理（俗称“女佣”）还要专业。

真的对整个制度感到失望。本兴致勃勃地以为还可以从军营生活里学到些什么，让我成为一个更充实的人，结果却赫然发现自己正在慢慢地退化成一个躯体而已。有时在被长官惩罚做伏地挺身时想起我的退化，还真的会不寒而栗。

张艾嘉曾经这么唱过：

“忙、盲、茫！忙、盲、茫！忙是为了自己的理想，还是为了不让别人失望？”

我已经不再对军营生活抱有任何的憧憬，所以我很可悲地承认目前的忙碌，都是在满足长官而已，希望能讨个平安，明哲保身。

我已经忙/盲/茫了1个月，最起码我还得忙/盲/茫多2个月。祝我早日找回方向归航吧！

200个仰天长啸

承载着200个梦想的波音747，飞过
200个被M-16扫射摧毁的理想。
我们羡慕嫉妒，他们视若无睹。

乌云敷衍虚伪式地落下眼泪，
我们嘴角微扬。
然后顽皮地停止流泪，却仍然摆张黑脸。

而傻傻的我们还在伏地挺身的姿势下仰头，
盼望彩虹的出现，
却只看见第n架波音747
飞过，藐视我们。

On 2007

As I was reading through blog entries on each of the bloggers' experiences in the year 2007, I realise that many of them found the year to be a detestful and dreaded one.

'A'-Levels stress? Jealousy of the carefree life that the J1s (current J2s) lead back then? Apart from these two reasons I couldn't think of any other that can possibly explain their unanimous verdict on 2007.

In retrospect, the A's is not that intimidating. Yes, we all dread examinations, especially major and life-determining ones. But such dreadness pales in comparison to NS life. Okay, for the benefits of my female readers, thou shalt whine no further about the service-to-nation-which-must-not-be-named.

For me, 2007 is probably not my best year thus far, but it is certainly not the most screwed-up one either.

P.S. I dreamt that I got 3 'A's and 1 'B' for my 'A'-Levels last night.I remembered being exhilarated in my dreams.

No. 4

The irony is that people know about the superiority of higher military ranks (e.g. Lieutenants, Captains, Major... etc) but they never bother to find out a military personnel's rank.

As much as their jaws dropped in awe when they learn that so-and-so is a Lieutenant/Captain/Major/Colonel, they still give almost (if not the same) the same amount of respect to a humble and low-ranking recruit just because this lowly soldier is wearing the No.4 (For those who don't know, the No. 4 refers to the uniform printed with green, black and brown camouflage patterns)

There was once when I returned home wearing the No. 4 and as I was walking along a narrow corridor, a lady carrying a few heavy bags and walking towards my direction immediately made way for me. No, I did not threaten her to give way with my rifle or with my puny bicep; it was a move that came sincerely from her and surprised me. Her face was full of respect for me and I felt uneasy and embarrassed since I was never hungry for special respect from others.

On another incident, as my friend (who is a recruit)was doing guard duty in camp, he walked into a toilet bustling with talkative recruits while wearing his No. 4 and all the chatterings ceased instantaneously.

One recruit even bowed to him.

Even though he is of the same rank with them and was not granted any temporary special prvileges that day (not that anything of such sort can be granted).

The power of the army uniform. For those who have low self-esteem and have a constant craving for respect from others.

玻璃窗

透光的1公分玻璃窗
是你和我之间最遥远的距离。
目光交接，然后

被
....折
..射

你所看到的，我看不见。
我真正想要的，你看不见。

在对彼此没有触感的情况下，
我们就靠被折射的目光
推断
你所看到的，
我真正想要的。
却赫然发现目光不再交接。

始终未发现移动目光的位置，
目光又交接了。

所以才会怪1公分的玻璃窗太厚。
我们太远。

所以才会在分道扬镳后恍然大悟
我们太远。

五分爱情

一 是寂寞在河边散步
二 是曾经的贞节
三 是出轨的列车翻覆
然后起火，烧成一堆废铁。
四 是各自童话故事般地幸福
五 是我选择省电，寂寞地在河边散步。