早操后站在有海景的寝室里之狂想

咸咸的海水味，
为平淡无味的军营生活调味。

咸咸的汗水味，
为平淡无味的军营生活添味。

咸咸的泪水味，
为平淡无味的军营生活增味。

军营生活肾衰竭了，
却依然平淡无味。

朱德庸 -- 《跳楼》

NS Thoughts

I had predicted that I would enjoy, or at least not hate NS that much. But I was wrong. National Service is a chore/liability, rather than a duty/responsibility in my opinion.

It doesn't help when your direct supreriors do not motivate you to work harder. They only hurl vulgarities at you.

Speaking of which, it is really ironic to learn that one of the seven Singapore Armed Forces core values is "Professionalism" but these commanders did not seem to apply this value in their actions. If I were to be paid only 10 cents each time any of the commanders said "chee-bye", "fuck", "fucking _____" or "fucking chee bye" (that is considered a bonus, pay me 30 cents), I would probably become a multi-millionaire now. I don't see how excessive and liberal use of profanity is a display of the commanders' professionalism.

Another irony is that the most important SAF core value is "Care For Soldiers". Yet, when one of my section mates genuinely felt sick and requested to fall out of the platoon, he was denied of the request. It wasn't only after 5 minutes did another (more compassionate and understanding) sergeant showed some concern for him and allowed him to fall out.

Food served there only has quantity but no quality. Don't believe what those press release or what those officers claimed during TV interviews. They themselves probably haven't tasted the food WE eat, so they probably have no clue to our misery.

Morale of the story: Army is screwed up. Do not believe what they claim. They claim that soldiers' welfare is taken care of, but apart from an abundant supply of food they force-feed to us and frequent water parades in which we are required to finish up half the contents of an army water bottle, I don't see much effort to take care of our welfare. Genuinely sick recruits are not allowed to fall out, so this is the definition of solders' welfare.

***

That night, I cried when I called my mother. I finally understand how Survivor contestants can cry uncontrollably whenever they see their loved ones. When you are out there in a harsh, foreign environment, you really miss your comfort zone where you took your loved ones for granted.

***

Anyways, I bet most of you are curious as to how I look. Well, here's a recap of how I look with my nicely-styled hair.





This is how I look without any hair...



That's all for now. Till I booked out again for Christmas. That is if I don't get confined. I think I have a high risk of being confiend since I am the Toilet I/C and it is so difficult to keep the toilet clean...

Last bitching

One last bitching before I enlist...

WTF??!?! How can he possibly clear the first round of the Economic Developmnt Board (EDB) scholarship application and was called down for an interview?

And how can he (yes, the same person as above) be given an extra 15 minutes for his 'A'-Levels when he injured his hand almost a year ago, whereas Jin Rong was also given the same amount of extra time when he injured his writing hand just a few weeks before the examination?

And hey presto! This guy can still represent the school in a sport competition a few months after his injury and a few months before the examination?

And hey presto! This is one guy whom we all agree that he is lazy and slacks far too often.

O Heaven is never fair.

The New 40 Things About Me

Before I enlist, I should take a moment to get to know myself even better, and to let you guys know me a little better. So, here goes:

1. I am a sentimental and nostalgic person. I like to reminisce the past and often wish that I can rewind time to go back to my primary school days.

2. Because of that, I hate to throw away things. I believe that old/spoilt/faulty items have souls too. Discarding them would hurt their feelings and it also means memories thrown away, one less item to revoke my nostalgia.

3. I have a soft-spot for crayfish. Just cannot resist the temptation of crayfish pasta or crayfish noodles whenever I dine in restaurants.

4. The sight of faulty escalators annoys me

5. I weigh 60KG now.. fat fat.. sigh..

6. My waist is now 31 inches.

7. I am a petty person. I will secretly observe who are those that takes the initiative to wish me "Happy Birthday", "Merry Christmas" or "Good luck for NS" and those that did not do so.

8. But thou shall not bear a grudge against those who forgot. Yet, like Singapore's stand towards the Japanese Occupation, I will "forgive, but not forget".

9. I want to take up a sport during NS or during my university days. Maybe a martial art or competitive walking.

10. I hate making phone calls. It is somewhat in between virtual and reality which I am not really used to. It's either conversing face-to-face or talk via MSN messenger.

11. How others perceive me is important to me. I want to know how important I am to them.

12. I am hoping to get a PSC/Ministry of Foreign Affairs/SPH scholarship

13. Once I get a scholarship, I hope to study mass communications/journalism and/or Chinese Literature in Taiwan

14. If not, I would be glad to settle for a place at Nanyang Technological University to study mass communications.

15. I love 鱼片米粉

16. I realise a lot of people misunderstood me.. I may be portraying this image to the world which is not a good representative of my inner self.

17. For example, I am really not concern about losing all my hair when I enlist.

18. Or I do feel hurt when you guys hurl insults at me. Or make sarcastic remarks at me.

19. Maybe these are retribution for what I have done, so I am changing.

20. I no longer sing those bubble-pop female songs by Jolin Tsai, Coco Lee or Cyndi Wang. Instead, I am singing Zhang Dong Liang's, Cai Min You's or Alan Ke You Lun's songs, the more "manly" songs.

21. I no longer dance para-para. I prefer Dance Dance Revolution now.

22. I <3 Topman shirts!!!

23. I love Fried Mars Bar served at New York New York!!! Super sinful!! All the calories... takes probably a 10-km run to burn them all.

24. Sushi-Go-Round, Bloxorz and Thin Ice on Miniclips.com are my favourite games this year..

25. I feel lonely. I really need a soulmate.

26. I like clubbing, even though I am not a frequent clubber.

27. I have 3 crushes since J1... including the classmate I mentioned about the other time.

28. Right now, I still have a crush on her.. but I haven't confessed to her yet..

29. I am still having sore throat, cough and flu as I am typing this... and I am 16 hours away from my enlistment...

30. I still haven't finished "Soul Mountain" by Gao Xing Jian. I bought the book when I was primary 5 for the sake of showing off to others that I read a book that is awarded the Nobel Literature Pirze. Fortunately I did not manage to read past Chapter 6 each time I picked up the book, as Chapter 6 onwards there are a lot of explicit scenes.

31. Right now, I am stuck at Chapter 52 of the book.

32. I have close to 1000 songs in my iPod and 901 songs on my computer.

33. I am actually quite excited about National Service. It gives me a reason to start anew and change part of myself to be a better person.

34. I did consider opening a floral shop with my mum since she's interested in floral arranging. I don't mind being my own boss. =)

35. My phone for NS use will be a Samsung X430.



36. Current favourite singer: Amy Winehouse

37. I am not very worried about National Service. Seriously. Just go in with an open mind. =)

38. I've yet to buy Sodagreen's latest album "Incredibly Beautiful" 《无以伦比的美丽》and books on human behaviour and economics. And Christmas is coming.. *hint hint*

39. I used to hate Rihanna's "Umbrella", but ever since clubbing at Attica for post-prom, I fell in love with that song.

40. Thanks for all your well wishes. I will take care of myself in NS. So don't worry too much about me. Concentrate on buying me Christmas gifts! =)

Primary School Mates Gathering

I was initially apprehensive, for we have not met forsuch a long time already. The prospects of having conversations with abrupt ending and the silent meals only make me more cynical about this gathering.

But I was proven wrong.

Looks like time and distance are never, and will never be a barrier to rekindle long-lost friendships. Nor are time and distance solvents that dilute friendships.

We clicked almost immediately. It did not seem that we were once separated and each led vastly different lives. It just seemed that we are all in this long dream, only to find each other and be in each other's company when we wake up.

Yes, we are all back into this dream again. But this shortlived, momentarily "reality" will be a source of motivation for us to wake up from this dream.

A gathering of childhood friends and the exchange of memories are like a major project to complete the 10,000-piece jigsaw puzzle. We each hold a few pieces of the abyssal memories and it's only when we gather can we then piece our memories together and live our childhood once again.

To me, I am glad that our brain has got limited memory capacity, for it is this limitation that will bring long-lost friends together to recollect our past. It is this limitation that brings people closer to each other, since we all depend on each other to re-live our past, to laugh at all the silly things we had done and the childish reasons for our bickerings.

I remembered how we all wanted time to stop moving during Primary 6 so that we need not part. We all knew, and still know that it is impossible, but we still try to "cheat" time by making a point to meet up once a year to reminisce our primary school days, to bring the past to the present.

Next week, there will be another gathering session. Unfortunately, due to my enlistment I will not be able to attend. But rest assured that I will not forget all the moments -- pleasant and unpleasant -- that we had when I am stuck in Pulau Tekong.

Till we meet again!


Kai Yang, Nicholas, me, Ashika, Ziwei, Min Kai


Min Kai, me, Rachel, Ashika, Ziwei






Rachel, Ziwei, Ashika

Prom Pictures!!!

With class guys..


With Lynette..


Full length body shot of me!!



Marcus, Yan Zhi, Jun Quan and me!


Yan Zhi, Terence Phay, me!



Class guys again...






Yan Yin and me!






Prom with my class!! 06S6C!!


Jing Ting


Terence Phay


With Wai Lumn


Yen Shan


Yihui


Mrs Ang, Sharmaine, Lionel, Me, Allison


Allison!


ECACO!!


Guo Tong!


Sharmaine!


Tian Cheng


Ming Wei, Kay Siong, Me, Ying Cheng



Acting cool...


Kay Siong, Ming Wei, me, Ying Cheng


Ditto...


Charmaine Chua!!


SJAB buddies!!!


Pang Ying!!


Me, Kay Siong, Ming Wei


Kay Siong


H4 + two random girls...

Post Prom @ Attica

It was AMAZING!!

I seriously didn't think that Hwa Chong would be so hip and funky. I mean, Attica was bursting with so many Hwa Chong people. I had always thought that Hwa Chong is a boring school where people do not club (not that I am a frequent clubber myself), but the turnout was Post Prom last night was fantastic! Or perhaps Attica is just tiny.

Nevertheless, I am so proud of Hwa Chong! And especially my own class!! Because the atmosphere last night was nothing that I had ever imagined it to be!

Really, last night's experience was a first-time for many, including almost all my classmates who went, and I must say you guys did a marvellous job in letting loose of and unwinding yourself and created such a wonderful clubbing experience!

Fortunately I didn't get drunk, but then again two shots of drinks won't get me KOed that easily.. Haha..

So, till we club again! Haha...

Countdown to National Service

S890XXXXX, Your enlistment date is on 13/12/07. Your reporting unit is TRAINING LIST BASIC MILITARY TRAINING CENTRE SCHOOL 2. Msg from CMPB.

10 days to your actual enlistment, you will receive this message.

As I am typing this, I only have got 9 days of "freedom" before I am sent off to Pulau Tekong.

But, before you guys start to tease about my early enlistment, don't bother trying because I won't be affected.

I rather GET PAID to join a gym that also enforces discipline. I mean, you GET PAID to work out and at the end of the day, you are a few hundred bucks richer and you develop washboard abs. Good deal, eh?

I rather work out than to stay at home and squander your precious time and money away on Gunbound (Yes! Boys are playing Gunbound again!!) or on K-BOX.

At least I will be doing something productive and meaningful. =)

Spam tags

Lotsa spam tags on my tagboard.

Just to clarify, the person who impersonated me and said that he/she "had no idea non-lians type like that" is not me.

As for the second part of his/her tag, I have no idea if he/she is refering to me (as in the real Heng Joo Kuang Terence), to that "i am not lian" person, or to "pseudo-rence" himself/herself.

I am happy with my life. Maybe the other two may want to get a life instead. Ditto for "passerby". It's free by the way, just in case you guys didn't already know.

On the other hand, if spam tags are an indicator of the readership of my blog, then I am indeed flattered to have so many people viewing my humble blog.

*Curtseys* *Bows* *Throws confetti*

当你离开的时候

我只能低着头发呆
让回忆渗透脑袋
渐渐变空白

我把它当做个意外
但内心还想不开
以为我明白
其实你都还在

我想起了遇见你的时候
想起你眼神中的温柔
想起了我们第一次牵手
我闭上眼
想起当时你怀里的颤抖
似乎那么害怕失去我
然而到后来我什么都没有
当你离开的时候

我可以装作已释怀
他对我也算关怀
他看不出来

我知道这样不应该
在他身上找依赖
算不算是种出卖
因为你一直在

我想起了遇见你的时候
想起你眼神中的温柔
想起了我们第一次牵手
我闭上眼
想起当时你怀里的颤抖
似乎那么害怕失去我
然而到后来我什么都没有
当你离开的时候

我想起你亲吻我的时候
想起你眼神中的沉默
想起了我们平静的分手
我闭上眼想起

想起当时你每一个承诺
把你整个心都交给我
然而到后来我什么都没有
越是没有你越是心痛

我想起了遇见你的时候
想起你眼神中的温柔
想起了我们第一次牵手
我闭上眼
想起当时你怀里的颤抖
似乎那么害怕失去我
然而到后来我什么都没有
当你离开的时候

我非常喜欢本地女歌手蔡健雅的这首最新创作《当你离开的时候》。MTV中文台在节目中这么说过：“这是一首连大男人都会动情的情歌”。歌曲是颗催泪弹，在于那扣人心弦的旋律与真情流露的歌词相得益彰，互相衬托。旋律再怎么优美动人，若没有能让听众引起共鸣的歌词搭配旋律，歌曲就只是一首悲伤情歌，不至于催人落泪；歌词再怎么感人，若没有同样感人的旋律来搭配，歌曲就只是一首基调悲伤的诗歌罢了。

歌曲的旋律，不是那种会让人痛彻心扉，叫人哭得死去活来，声嘶力竭的，而是充满了淡淡的忧伤，让听者仿佛在悠远静谧的氛围里默默地流下眼泪。

蔡健雅所填的歌词没有林夕的柔情优美，也不像方文山的词那样充满意境与画面感，而是平铺直叙，直截了当的，用最朴实的白描手法，用最白话文的白话文来为歌曲旋律所营造的淡淡忧伤注入言语上的解释。

虽然这位来自新加坡的女歌手的中文程度远远不及来自台湾的林夕或方文山，也没有他们的文采，但是蔡健雅的成功之处在于她填词时的真诚。歌曲所弥漫的伤感，并非创作的人所凭空想象出来的，而是最真挚的描写。

每每听这首歌时，脑海里总会闪过许多画面，因为歌词的简单，让我们这些听众能够自行想象，自由发挥，自己选择歌词应该表达什么。

考试前，这首歌的“你”就好像莘莘学子所渴望的A，而歌词中“我想起了遇见你的时候，想起你眼神中的温柔，想起了我们第一次牵手，我闭上眼，想起当时你怀里的颤抖，似乎那么害怕失去我，然而到后来我什么都没有，当你离开的时候”，就道出了我们失去了A的痛心。

在为不幸在柬埔寨逝世的5名我国龙舟队划手哭泣时，聆听这首歌，不禁让人悲从中来，怆然泪下。

与男友或女友分手时，听一听这首歌，发泄内心忧愁之情绪。发泄了，就振作起来，勇敢地走出阴霾。

而“越是没有你越是心痛”这句歌词最能够概括以上3种心情。丧子之痛，失去了A，失去了爱人，都让人无比心痛。

“然而到后来我什么都没有，当你离开的时候”这句歌词则一针见血地道出我们听者悲伤、忧伤与哀伤源自死别所带来的孤寂，来自离开我们的人爽了约，没有遵守之前定下的诺言。

基于旋律的淡淡哀伤和简单真挚的歌词，我爱上了这有歌曲。你也应该一样。

Retail Therapy

To Jia Wei, thanks for your concern. I am feeling much better now. Perhaps retail therepy really works, arguably, in overcoming depression. Not sure if I was having depression this period of time...but yeah, you guys get what I mean.

Speaking of retail therapy, I spent a few hundred dollars yesterday. Of course, the money all came from my mum. Let's see, I bought a pair of slim-fit black jeans from Zara for my prom and future endeavours for $129, a pair of Reebok running shoes that costs $79.90 after a 20% discount, a pair of swimming googles for $16.90 (both the running shoes and the googles are purchased for NS use) and $9 was spent on my lunch and dinner. That's a grand total of $234.90.

Not any astronomical figure, but it was still quite a considerable amount spent. And fortunately it was enough to make me feel a little less melancholic.

To Jia Wei again, yes the incident affected me a little (for details, make some effort to understand my Chinese entries. Don't be lazy, people), but I have more or less gotten over it. I just find it a pity that they passed on at such young age and the realization that accidents can happen to physically-fit, kind-hearted people who have a passion for living makes me feel so helpless.

And I began to think about fate and stuff. Like how one of the deceased dragonboaters Boon San lived in Yishun and we probably have met each before at the MRT station, bus interchange or the Chong Pang market. Just that we have never known each other then and we never will. Just that I never noticed him then and never would I expect myself to mourn for him in future.

Never mind about all these. I must go enjoy all the stuff that I have bought.

P.S. I wore the new Reebok running shoes for my run this morning. I have never felt that comfortable running before, probably because I was always wearing WALKing shoes from Timberland to RUN.

Editted To Add: I forgot to include the price of the cheapest pair of rubber flip-flops I bought from Bata for NS use. The pair of slippers costs me $9.90, which bring the total amount spent on yesterday to $244.80